*******
I consider myself to be a pretty easy person to get along with. And with that rather gregarious personality I also have become a “Go To” person when people need all kinds of help (usually computer related) or need a question answered on many topics. Usually I don’t mind helping out, most of the time it only takes a couple of minutes and a smile and the deed is done.
Every once in a while the favor is a bit bigger, and requires a lot more time, concentration and focus to complete.
Those favors are a little harder to accommodate, although I do tend to say, “sure!” and, if possible, take care of it right away, letting my work or other projects pile up for a bit longer in order to help. Sometimes I can't do it right away, and have to take care of it later because of my own time constraints.
Again, not a real problem.
The problem that I have is that when people become so used to coming to you for help, they sometimes forget that you are, indeed, doing them a favor and their expectations that everything be dropped in order to accommodate them start to become onerous.
These are the people who seem to think that they then have the right to comment on (or even sneer about) how you plan your day in work or play, simply because they want you to schedule their little project FIRST. They pounce on me before I have even had my first cup of coffee in the bleary mornings, when I come in the door at work or at home, they ambush me in the hall or make disparaging comments about the amount of time I seem to spend on Facebook (not as much as they think – it is on in the background when I am on the computer and I pop in for a few minutes several times a day).
Sometime I have to bite my tongue. What business is it of anyone’s how I spend my time…??? it’s MY time. Just because you don’t “get” the attraction doesn’t give you the right to deride me about how I “waste” the day away. Do you follow people around and deride them about how drinking coffee or chatting over the proverbial water cooler or talking with their child on the phone is a waste of time and they should be working on YOUR little freebie project instead?
For heaven’s sake, if I have promised you that I will help you out with something out of the goodness of my heart, why would you want to antagonize me by appearing ungracious?
And leave me alone about Facebook. I like it, and apparently, judging by the number of people who tell me that they like reading my posts, other people do, too.
And if I do a favor for you, a simple “thanks!” goes a long way.
Just Musing,
Susan
*******
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Ten Things I like About...
*******
There is a proliferation of TOP TEN, TOP FIFTY even TOP 100 lists out there, especially in entertainment. They always seem to spark tremendous controversy as readers agree/disagree with various degrees of vehemence.
I am CERTAINLY not loathe to jump on the bandwagon… so here’s one of mine:
TOP TEN REASONS I LOVE SUMMER IN THE AV
1. Warm Summer Nights: The days may be sweltering, but the nights… ahhhhh, pure heaven! Balmy temperatures, gentle breezes, the smells of BBQs, children’s laughter. The nights make the days bearable!
2. Pool Time: Until I had a pool, I did not realize how much just having one simply takes the edge off of the summer heat and tempers. A half an hour floating with a light read and a glass of wine after work does WONDERS for I’m-so-hot-I-could-DIE-and-on-top-of-that-I-had-a-horrible-day days.
3. Summer Thunderstorms: The few truly humid days we have during the summer sometime transform into rumbling, flashing downpours… like the sky soaked up all the moisture it can and is just letting it all loose in a torrent of rain and a marvelous light show.
4. BBQs: Suddenly there seems to be no reason to cook indoors… Fire up the Barbie, the burgers are ON!
5. Long Days: The sun is up early and stays out late… somehow the long days create an energy that fosters getting up, getting out, getting things DONE, unlike the early dark of winter that encourages yawning and cocooning.
6. Blue Skies Peppered with Jets: The clear blue sky of summer, the long hours of light seem to call to the jets to come out and play… hearing rumbles in the sky means running out to see what it is!!!
7. Desert Flower Surprises: These strange clumps of flat olive green plants randomly pop up in the desert, usually on the side of the road, that suddenly bloom into huge white and pale pink trumpet flowers in the highest heat of the summer, after all the poppies and other flowers are long gone.
8. Casual Dress/Casual Reading/Casual Movies: Up here in the AV, summer means flip flops, shorts, jeans, tank tops and everyone seems to be just fine with that! Light reading, fun movies, lots of opportunities to lighten up and give your overheated brain a little break.
9. Evening Outdoor Activities: Concerts in the Park, Thursday Night on the Square, Ice Cream Socials, Dive-In Movies at the Pool… The AV is bristling with engaging and light entertainment for just about any taste.
10. AV Fair: Okay, this is the biggie! It may always be held during the hottest two weeks of the year, but there are so many interesting things to do, to see, great concerts of name performers, local talent, livestock and llamas, terrific local exhibits of local photographers and artists of all types.
There you have it! Everyone will have their own lists, tailored to their own lifestyle, but mine is the best… because I posted it FIRST!!!
Just Musing,
Susan
*******
There is a proliferation of TOP TEN, TOP FIFTY even TOP 100 lists out there, especially in entertainment. They always seem to spark tremendous controversy as readers agree/disagree with various degrees of vehemence.
I am CERTAINLY not loathe to jump on the bandwagon… so here’s one of mine:
TOP TEN REASONS I LOVE SUMMER IN THE AV
1. Warm Summer Nights: The days may be sweltering, but the nights… ahhhhh, pure heaven! Balmy temperatures, gentle breezes, the smells of BBQs, children’s laughter. The nights make the days bearable!
2. Pool Time: Until I had a pool, I did not realize how much just having one simply takes the edge off of the summer heat and tempers. A half an hour floating with a light read and a glass of wine after work does WONDERS for I’m-so-hot-I-could-DIE-and-on-top-of-that-I-had-a-horrible-day days.
3. Summer Thunderstorms: The few truly humid days we have during the summer sometime transform into rumbling, flashing downpours… like the sky soaked up all the moisture it can and is just letting it all loose in a torrent of rain and a marvelous light show.
4. BBQs: Suddenly there seems to be no reason to cook indoors… Fire up the Barbie, the burgers are ON!
5. Long Days: The sun is up early and stays out late… somehow the long days create an energy that fosters getting up, getting out, getting things DONE, unlike the early dark of winter that encourages yawning and cocooning.
6. Blue Skies Peppered with Jets: The clear blue sky of summer, the long hours of light seem to call to the jets to come out and play… hearing rumbles in the sky means running out to see what it is!!!
7. Desert Flower Surprises: These strange clumps of flat olive green plants randomly pop up in the desert, usually on the side of the road, that suddenly bloom into huge white and pale pink trumpet flowers in the highest heat of the summer, after all the poppies and other flowers are long gone.
8. Casual Dress/Casual Reading/Casual Movies: Up here in the AV, summer means flip flops, shorts, jeans, tank tops and everyone seems to be just fine with that! Light reading, fun movies, lots of opportunities to lighten up and give your overheated brain a little break.
9. Evening Outdoor Activities: Concerts in the Park, Thursday Night on the Square, Ice Cream Socials, Dive-In Movies at the Pool… The AV is bristling with engaging and light entertainment for just about any taste.
10. AV Fair: Okay, this is the biggie! It may always be held during the hottest two weeks of the year, but there are so many interesting things to do, to see, great concerts of name performers, local talent, livestock and llamas, terrific local exhibits of local photographers and artists of all types.
There you have it! Everyone will have their own lists, tailored to their own lifestyle, but mine is the best… because I posted it FIRST!!!
Just Musing,
Susan
*******
Friday, July 30, 2010
Transformations...
********
Transform –verb (used with object) 1. to change in form, appearance, or structure; metamorphose. 2. to change in condition, nature, or character; convert. 3. to change into another substance; transmute.
It occurs to me that transformations are part of living. Every day we change and we adjust our way of thinking based on our experiences and our interpretation of events.
Even in breathing we participate in a remarkable transformation. We take in oxygen, noting the mundane and extraordinary smells around us. Our exhalations become part of what feeds our greenery, transforming something we DON’T want (mostly carbon dioxide) into something we DO want (mostly oxygen) via a very clever process built into the trees and foliage around us.
We see something on the news from halfway around the world and react, and maybe that reaction changes the way we perceive some person or event in our own town.
We exercise (or don’t) and eat healthy (or don’t) and our bodies become the sum of that care over time.
We age and our bodies slowly become less able to do what they used to be able to accomplish with ease… now we creak or take a few days to recover from hard exercise.
We wake up to the smell of smoke from fires miles away and realize that the difficulty breathing and the ashes in the pool are minor concerns when compared to what those who had to evacuate or who, even worse, lost their homes are going through.
We buy plants and fencing to transform ordinary yard space into something beautiful for ourselves, our neighbors, our home values, just because we CAN.
We work on a difficult project for months, and finally see it to fruition, and we adapt and learn from that experience to draw upon when something similar occurs again.
We hear of a catastrophic event or illness striking someone we know, and suddenly statistics are personal and courage has a face and a name.
Carbon Dioxide into Oxygen. Caterpillars into Butterflies. Thought into Action. Events into Experience. We are all transforming everyday.
The biggest question for each of us is … into what?
Just Musing,
Susan
**********
Transform –verb (used with object) 1. to change in form, appearance, or structure; metamorphose. 2. to change in condition, nature, or character; convert. 3. to change into another substance; transmute.
It occurs to me that transformations are part of living. Every day we change and we adjust our way of thinking based on our experiences and our interpretation of events.
Even in breathing we participate in a remarkable transformation. We take in oxygen, noting the mundane and extraordinary smells around us. Our exhalations become part of what feeds our greenery, transforming something we DON’T want (mostly carbon dioxide) into something we DO want (mostly oxygen) via a very clever process built into the trees and foliage around us.
We see something on the news from halfway around the world and react, and maybe that reaction changes the way we perceive some person or event in our own town.
We exercise (or don’t) and eat healthy (or don’t) and our bodies become the sum of that care over time.
We age and our bodies slowly become less able to do what they used to be able to accomplish with ease… now we creak or take a few days to recover from hard exercise.
We wake up to the smell of smoke from fires miles away and realize that the difficulty breathing and the ashes in the pool are minor concerns when compared to what those who had to evacuate or who, even worse, lost their homes are going through.
We buy plants and fencing to transform ordinary yard space into something beautiful for ourselves, our neighbors, our home values, just because we CAN.
We work on a difficult project for months, and finally see it to fruition, and we adapt and learn from that experience to draw upon when something similar occurs again.
We hear of a catastrophic event or illness striking someone we know, and suddenly statistics are personal and courage has a face and a name.
Carbon Dioxide into Oxygen. Caterpillars into Butterflies. Thought into Action. Events into Experience. We are all transforming everyday.
The biggest question for each of us is … into what?
Just Musing,
Susan
**********
Monday, May 3, 2010
Fringe People
*******
We have many interesting characters around town.
There’s Skinny Santa, the old guy with the very long wavy grey hair and beard who walks around the outside of a small tract close to where I live at least twice a day in any weather, gracefully swinging a long walking stick in front of him, up up up, then barely bouncing it off the sidewalk before it travels skyward again. He is clean and tends to wear crisp clean blue jeans and a blue denim shirt buttoned over a non-descript tee shirt and pretty much watches the sidewalk in front of him intently, as if half-expecting it to open up... but he’ll be ready when it does, by gum! If you drive too slowly past him, he will sometimes lift his head sideways to glare at you through thick black horn-rimmed glasses and telepathically remind you to mind your own damn business. I have seen him briefly talking with some people in the neighborhood, but usually he travels his allotted course, rhythmically swinging his walking stick, alone and undisturbed, thank you very much.
Then there’s Exercise Girl, a terribly thin woman of indeterminate age and sanity level who occasionally comes out to work out in public places. She selects a busy corner or bus stop and will jog in place, waving her arms about, sometimes stooping to do deep knee bends or stretches. Her apparel changes from season to season. In the winter, she tends to bundle up in several multi-colored/patterned layers and will have huge bright colored ear muffs vying for head space with oddly placed multiple ponytails. Sometimes she chooses to wear an outrageously multicolored knit cap perched completely upright on her head, like she stuffed the it so it wouldn’t flop over, its pompom splayed out like a yarn burst of fireworks above her head. In the summer, she tends to tight capri-style leggings and a dingy white short tank, exposing ribs and an almost frighteningly skinny frame. On these days, she wears her personality almost completely on her head, with antennae headbands (sometimes more than one at a time) of all kinds bouncing to her every movement. Pumpkins, fuzz balls, shamrocks, feathers, mirrored balls… all sorts of festive material catches the sunlight. Brightly colored wrists bands festoon her wrists and punctuate her flailing arms. Occasionally she will talk to herself – pep talks, I imagine – and will bounce and giggle and shout and generally enjoy the day.
Crosswalk man is a little unnerving. The first time I saw this very ordinary looking fellow in a dark multi-pocketed jacket and heavy dark pants and boots, he was crossing a very busy street and suddenly stopped to gestulate wildly and yell obscenities. I thought there was a problem and looked around for whoever was causing this alarming reaction. Now, after seeing him many times I know that he just stops in the middle of the street and yells and gestures at no one in particular and eventually makes it to the other side. I guess he is mad at the world and this gives him a somewhat captive audience.
Slurpee boy is a rather large young man who walks with a bit of an uneven gait, listing to one side and shuffling his feet a little. I have never seen him without a super-enormous-how-can-anyone-drink-all-of-that sized Slurpee. Slurpee boy tends to have very loud and passionate conversations with himself as he walks along Avenue K. He is conservatively dressed and fairly well groomed and on more than one occasion I have seen him fling his arms out wide to make a point to his invisible walking partner and slop red Slurpee slush, lid and red striped straw included, into the desert. This does not slow him down one instant, and he continues talking and yelling and flinging his arms about, all the while hanging on to the now empty plastic cup.
Evangelical Man has a boom box and megaphone strapped around his neck. He paces at certain semi-busy corners and shouts messages to all the passing cars. The sound system garbles his voice, so I have no idea what he is saying, but he seems to really believe in it, sometimes raising his free arm to the Heavens in apparent supplication, or shaking it at the traffic in evangelical fervor. Sometimes he simply broadcasts music and just walks up and down a predetermined path, head down and barely acknowledging traffic. I wonder if he sometimes has a hard time facing the world on those days and yet still bravely tends to his post, hiding behind the music and his lowered head.
There are all kinds of fringe people out there. They occupy the same space as we do, but are not always on the same plane of reality. I sometimes wonder what happened, if there was an event or accident that triggered the slightly odd behavior, or if illness or age crept up on them. They live their lives no less completely than we do, surviving day to day and wearing their routines like a mask...
...just like we do.
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
We have many interesting characters around town.
There’s Skinny Santa, the old guy with the very long wavy grey hair and beard who walks around the outside of a small tract close to where I live at least twice a day in any weather, gracefully swinging a long walking stick in front of him, up up up, then barely bouncing it off the sidewalk before it travels skyward again. He is clean and tends to wear crisp clean blue jeans and a blue denim shirt buttoned over a non-descript tee shirt and pretty much watches the sidewalk in front of him intently, as if half-expecting it to open up... but he’ll be ready when it does, by gum! If you drive too slowly past him, he will sometimes lift his head sideways to glare at you through thick black horn-rimmed glasses and telepathically remind you to mind your own damn business. I have seen him briefly talking with some people in the neighborhood, but usually he travels his allotted course, rhythmically swinging his walking stick, alone and undisturbed, thank you very much.
Then there’s Exercise Girl, a terribly thin woman of indeterminate age and sanity level who occasionally comes out to work out in public places. She selects a busy corner or bus stop and will jog in place, waving her arms about, sometimes stooping to do deep knee bends or stretches. Her apparel changes from season to season. In the winter, she tends to bundle up in several multi-colored/patterned layers and will have huge bright colored ear muffs vying for head space with oddly placed multiple ponytails. Sometimes she chooses to wear an outrageously multicolored knit cap perched completely upright on her head, like she stuffed the it so it wouldn’t flop over, its pompom splayed out like a yarn burst of fireworks above her head. In the summer, she tends to tight capri-style leggings and a dingy white short tank, exposing ribs and an almost frighteningly skinny frame. On these days, she wears her personality almost completely on her head, with antennae headbands (sometimes more than one at a time) of all kinds bouncing to her every movement. Pumpkins, fuzz balls, shamrocks, feathers, mirrored balls… all sorts of festive material catches the sunlight. Brightly colored wrists bands festoon her wrists and punctuate her flailing arms. Occasionally she will talk to herself – pep talks, I imagine – and will bounce and giggle and shout and generally enjoy the day.
Crosswalk man is a little unnerving. The first time I saw this very ordinary looking fellow in a dark multi-pocketed jacket and heavy dark pants and boots, he was crossing a very busy street and suddenly stopped to gestulate wildly and yell obscenities. I thought there was a problem and looked around for whoever was causing this alarming reaction. Now, after seeing him many times I know that he just stops in the middle of the street and yells and gestures at no one in particular and eventually makes it to the other side. I guess he is mad at the world and this gives him a somewhat captive audience.
Slurpee boy is a rather large young man who walks with a bit of an uneven gait, listing to one side and shuffling his feet a little. I have never seen him without a super-enormous-how-can-anyone-drink-all-of-that sized Slurpee. Slurpee boy tends to have very loud and passionate conversations with himself as he walks along Avenue K. He is conservatively dressed and fairly well groomed and on more than one occasion I have seen him fling his arms out wide to make a point to his invisible walking partner and slop red Slurpee slush, lid and red striped straw included, into the desert. This does not slow him down one instant, and he continues talking and yelling and flinging his arms about, all the while hanging on to the now empty plastic cup.
Evangelical Man has a boom box and megaphone strapped around his neck. He paces at certain semi-busy corners and shouts messages to all the passing cars. The sound system garbles his voice, so I have no idea what he is saying, but he seems to really believe in it, sometimes raising his free arm to the Heavens in apparent supplication, or shaking it at the traffic in evangelical fervor. Sometimes he simply broadcasts music and just walks up and down a predetermined path, head down and barely acknowledging traffic. I wonder if he sometimes has a hard time facing the world on those days and yet still bravely tends to his post, hiding behind the music and his lowered head.
There are all kinds of fringe people out there. They occupy the same space as we do, but are not always on the same plane of reality. I sometimes wonder what happened, if there was an event or accident that triggered the slightly odd behavior, or if illness or age crept up on them. They live their lives no less completely than we do, surviving day to day and wearing their routines like a mask...
...just like we do.
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
Friday, April 23, 2010
One Ringy Dingy... Two Ringy Dingy... It This the Party to Whom I am Speaking??
*******
Call me one crazy Realtor, but I do NOT want to be 100% reachable by telephone at all times…
Phones have been making me crazy for years. They are an interruption and a real disruption if I am engaged in something that requires a great deal of concentration. I resisted getting a cell phone for this very reason, and then resisted upgrading to a smart phone…. THAT one is okay because I can text a VERY short message or see emails, but those interruptions are of MY choosing. Phone conversations almost always last longer than they really need to since “one quick question” generally turns into a much longer chat as one question leads to another or someone feels the need to fulfill social niceties... So, by the time you hang up you have lost 10 plus minutes and all momentum.
I know that sounds almost anathema for a Realtor to hate answering the phone when I am in the middle of something, but I cringe when I hear other agents tells me that they have clients who call them at 10:30 at night during the week or at 7 in the morning on a Sunday or during an Anniversary dinner or constantly while they were on vacation...
I am aghast. THEY ANSWER THEIR PHONE!
Holy cow. Not me. If someone is up and wants to know something in the middle of the night, shoot me an email or text me. I will get to it as soon as I am up and available to talk. Now, if I know something important is coming in then yeah, I make allowances for that. Usually.
A good friend who has been in the business for many years advised me that I am missing out on business because I am not always 100% available and sometimes don’t get to answering phone messages for a few hours (or longer if someone has the nerve to call me in the middle of the freaking night!). Now, this very same person does NOT allow his cell phone number to be given out because it is an intrusion on his personal life. The crux of this is, of course, that I am looking for business and his is already set, but still. I feel like I can give good service to my clients without giving up every single second of my weekends or evenings! Why do I have to EARN the right to a private life?
I do answer emails and texts pretty quickly, for some reason those are easier to respond to… with the added bonus of having everything in writing for reference on both sides. As my memory gets a little jumbled now and then with so many issues and ideas and facts and people and and AND!!! all mixed up in my brain, I can be both concise and thorough in an email, or even a text. So, my rule is (and I tell my clients this), if I don’t answer the phone, shoot me a text or email if at all possible. I will probably answer that faster and will call later if a conversation is still needed.
It just seems to me that people’s attention span has gotten so short that they have forgotten how to live in the moment… everything is INSTANT! NOW! GOTTA HAVE IT! INFORMATION AT YOUR FINGERTIPS! As the late great Yoda says, they are always looking “to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing.” (picture Yoda poking you with a stick here)
I think we are becoming a society of schizophrenic hyper sensitive instant gratification junkies.
Tell me you haven’t seen THIS one: two people sitting at a restaurant, both of them facing slightly away from each other, both of them with a phone to their ear or texting away, not saying a word to each other, not even making eye contact. People walk side by side, but don’t talk to one another, they are texting or tweeting or chatting to someone else. They text or talk on the phone during movies, while walking the dog, in line at the grocery store, in coffee shops, book stores, walking down the street, in their front yards… when they are alone or surrounded by people they know.
And people are OKAY with this??
Well, I for one do NOT feel obligated to pick up the phone when I am with other clients, on the road, having dinner, watching my favorite-I-waited-to-see-this-episode-all-week TV show, in the middle of a project, talking to my kids, spending time with my husband, working in the garden, playing at Disneyland, bathing the dog… in other words, I want to have a LIFE.
That’s right, a LIFE! Which means you do NOT have the unmitigated right to interrupt me at all hours and get all pissy about it when I don’t pick up the phone to talk to you RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND, even if I am up to my elbows in gardening dirt or dog shampoo or am busy kissing my hubby.
Text or email me. I’m more likely to respond faster… when I am DONE washing the dog!
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
Call me one crazy Realtor, but I do NOT want to be 100% reachable by telephone at all times…
Phones have been making me crazy for years. They are an interruption and a real disruption if I am engaged in something that requires a great deal of concentration. I resisted getting a cell phone for this very reason, and then resisted upgrading to a smart phone…. THAT one is okay because I can text a VERY short message or see emails, but those interruptions are of MY choosing. Phone conversations almost always last longer than they really need to since “one quick question” generally turns into a much longer chat as one question leads to another or someone feels the need to fulfill social niceties... So, by the time you hang up you have lost 10 plus minutes and all momentum.
I know that sounds almost anathema for a Realtor to hate answering the phone when I am in the middle of something, but I cringe when I hear other agents tells me that they have clients who call them at 10:30 at night during the week or at 7 in the morning on a Sunday or during an Anniversary dinner or constantly while they were on vacation...
I am aghast. THEY ANSWER THEIR PHONE!
Holy cow. Not me. If someone is up and wants to know something in the middle of the night, shoot me an email or text me. I will get to it as soon as I am up and available to talk. Now, if I know something important is coming in then yeah, I make allowances for that. Usually.
A good friend who has been in the business for many years advised me that I am missing out on business because I am not always 100% available and sometimes don’t get to answering phone messages for a few hours (or longer if someone has the nerve to call me in the middle of the freaking night!). Now, this very same person does NOT allow his cell phone number to be given out because it is an intrusion on his personal life. The crux of this is, of course, that I am looking for business and his is already set, but still. I feel like I can give good service to my clients without giving up every single second of my weekends or evenings! Why do I have to EARN the right to a private life?
I do answer emails and texts pretty quickly, for some reason those are easier to respond to… with the added bonus of having everything in writing for reference on both sides. As my memory gets a little jumbled now and then with so many issues and ideas and facts and people and and AND!!! all mixed up in my brain, I can be both concise and thorough in an email, or even a text. So, my rule is (and I tell my clients this), if I don’t answer the phone, shoot me a text or email if at all possible. I will probably answer that faster and will call later if a conversation is still needed.
It just seems to me that people’s attention span has gotten so short that they have forgotten how to live in the moment… everything is INSTANT! NOW! GOTTA HAVE IT! INFORMATION AT YOUR FINGERTIPS! As the late great Yoda says, they are always looking “to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing.” (picture Yoda poking you with a stick here)
I think we are becoming a society of schizophrenic hyper sensitive instant gratification junkies.
Tell me you haven’t seen THIS one: two people sitting at a restaurant, both of them facing slightly away from each other, both of them with a phone to their ear or texting away, not saying a word to each other, not even making eye contact. People walk side by side, but don’t talk to one another, they are texting or tweeting or chatting to someone else. They text or talk on the phone during movies, while walking the dog, in line at the grocery store, in coffee shops, book stores, walking down the street, in their front yards… when they are alone or surrounded by people they know.
And people are OKAY with this??
Well, I for one do NOT feel obligated to pick up the phone when I am with other clients, on the road, having dinner, watching my favorite-I-waited-to-see-this-episode-all-week TV show, in the middle of a project, talking to my kids, spending time with my husband, working in the garden, playing at Disneyland, bathing the dog… in other words, I want to have a LIFE.
That’s right, a LIFE! Which means you do NOT have the unmitigated right to interrupt me at all hours and get all pissy about it when I don’t pick up the phone to talk to you RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND, even if I am up to my elbows in gardening dirt or dog shampoo or am busy kissing my hubby.
Text or email me. I’m more likely to respond faster… when I am DONE washing the dog!
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Anticipa-yay-shun...
*******
Anticipation is a delicious thing. It encompasses the physical, mental and emotional as it revs up the heart, creates a whirlwind of thoughts tumbling over each other and heightened sensitivity that crescendos as the Event nears.
It is can be the preparations for a party, or the Super Bowl, or a wedding, or the birth of a child or grandchild… the opening of a business, the start of a favorite TV show or movie, a date with someone you care about, a rare vacation or a special Holiday. Buying a house or new car. Graduation. A loved one’s return. So many things in this life are anticipated; so many times we get excited about something that we expect to happen in our lives.
And there is the flip side. Anticipation of something unpleasant uses the same physical, mental and emotional forms to trigger anxiety.
Much of the time we mold, create, build on and stir up this anticipation into a frenzy; building up the excitement of an upcoming event to massive proportions, allowing the excitement to build and build… much like the clack clack clack as you climb up that first steep incline on a rollercoaster until….. WHEEEEEEEEEEE whoosh! You are right in the middle of a fast and furious ride.
The funniest thing is that most anticipatory events are rather fleeting as compared to the planning and preparations leading up to it. Planning a wedding, training for a race, rehearsing a play, riding that ‘coaster… long hours and weeks and months of anticipation for one shining moment. We live for that!
And we never think it is a waste of time. That glorious moment is sooo worth it!
Unless it is a bad thing. In that case, the dreaded event is usually not as awful as we pictured; the world didn’t end, no one got hit, we didn’t wind up in prison, no one laughed (too hard), no one even NOTICED... The sigh of relief once it is over with is huge! We feel as though we have been given a second chance to do it all again and, more importantly, do it better next time. All that anxiety gives way to learning and resolution. So even BAD anticipation is a good thing!
We like roller coasters, humans are adrenaline junkies… and our planning, anticipation and eventually ending up at the end with our fists in the air shouting "YESSSSSSSS!", that is what makes the major portion of our lives (you know, the tedious day to day stuff) worth it all.
(and suddenly I have a craving to go to Magic Mountain…)
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
Anticipation is a delicious thing. It encompasses the physical, mental and emotional as it revs up the heart, creates a whirlwind of thoughts tumbling over each other and heightened sensitivity that crescendos as the Event nears.
It is can be the preparations for a party, or the Super Bowl, or a wedding, or the birth of a child or grandchild… the opening of a business, the start of a favorite TV show or movie, a date with someone you care about, a rare vacation or a special Holiday. Buying a house or new car. Graduation. A loved one’s return. So many things in this life are anticipated; so many times we get excited about something that we expect to happen in our lives.
And there is the flip side. Anticipation of something unpleasant uses the same physical, mental and emotional forms to trigger anxiety.
Much of the time we mold, create, build on and stir up this anticipation into a frenzy; building up the excitement of an upcoming event to massive proportions, allowing the excitement to build and build… much like the clack clack clack as you climb up that first steep incline on a rollercoaster until….. WHEEEEEEEEEEE whoosh! You are right in the middle of a fast and furious ride.
The funniest thing is that most anticipatory events are rather fleeting as compared to the planning and preparations leading up to it. Planning a wedding, training for a race, rehearsing a play, riding that ‘coaster… long hours and weeks and months of anticipation for one shining moment. We live for that!
And we never think it is a waste of time. That glorious moment is sooo worth it!
Unless it is a bad thing. In that case, the dreaded event is usually not as awful as we pictured; the world didn’t end, no one got hit, we didn’t wind up in prison, no one laughed (too hard), no one even NOTICED... The sigh of relief once it is over with is huge! We feel as though we have been given a second chance to do it all again and, more importantly, do it better next time. All that anxiety gives way to learning and resolution. So even BAD anticipation is a good thing!
We like roller coasters, humans are adrenaline junkies… and our planning, anticipation and eventually ending up at the end with our fists in the air shouting "YESSSSSSSS!", that is what makes the major portion of our lives (you know, the tedious day to day stuff) worth it all.
(and suddenly I have a craving to go to Magic Mountain…)
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Support Systems in Place, Captain!
*******
Support systems can mean so many different things. Emotional support: providing a shoulder when someone close to you is hurting. Cheerleading support: spurring someone on to achieving goals. Monetary support: allowing someone to concentrate on other things by providing for their home and board. Group support: providing understanding and ideas for overcoming the effects of divorce, alcoholism, abuse, overeating, etc.
All of these systems are meant to be temporary.
In time our friend grows stronger and doesn’t need to cry on our shoulder so much. Grief, disease, separation, all the emotional spill-over works itself out eventually. The right time to straighten up, wash your face and go back “out there” does arrive. The supporting person can wring out their shoulder pads, put away the ice cream and wine, smile and go on with their own lives.
Eventually your children or spouse finishes their project/school and can fend for themselves without monetary support from us. The kids move out. The spouse in school attains their goal, be it a degree or finishing classes to further their careers and can get that better paying job or realizing a lifetime dream. The college age kid who came home because he couldn’t find a job right after getting his degree will, hopefully, find the wherewithal to move out on his own again, warp speed!
Cheerleading is usually for the duration of the “game”; spurring someone on to achieve their ultimate amibition, which is often a huge deal to that person, even if you don't quite understand it. That can mean bolstering a flagging ego, or standing by their side at yet another boring (to you) function, or taking care of things by yourself, or closing the door so they can work in relative silence, or sometimes it is as simple as not saying a word and listening to some ranting. Once the goal is achieved, however the active cheerleading must stop, and roles go back to at least a semblance of the way they were before the task was undertaken. Active cheerleading is very tiring if done for too long, because it often means that the supporting partner is sidelining their own needs for another’s benefit.
Most group support systems also have a “graduation”, even if it is years away, when strength and time have allowed the person make a certain level of peace with what has happened to them and have gained the strength and tools to make it on their own. Spend too much time in most of them (excepting AA and a few others) and people start to think that you are whining… time to move on!
A person may be in need of all kinds of different support systems throughout their lives, sometimes needing several different types at all at once. Monetary plus Cheerleader (kids in college), Emotional plus Group (going through a divorce or other grief), Monetary plus Emotional plus Cheerleader (helping a spouse adjust to being laid off) or any other conceivable combination.
But the specific situations are all different and all do sooner or later expire. If they don’t eventually the people providing that support will become less supportive and positive and will feel like they are being taken advantage of, leading to resentment, impatience and a final cut off of unconditional support. Full stop!
So, first support, then weaning and finally, graduation.
There is one kind of support that never expires, however. Marriage is one big daily support system that never goes away. While you may be able to break down some of the major instances into expiration-date type periods, in general marriage requires daily support and help of each other. Some people might call it is Partnership in Action, which is pretty much what it is, but it is also much more than that alone.
It is taking care of the little things for each other every single day. The smile and kiss you have for each other when you come home from work. Running your fingers through his hair at the end of the day. Remembering to bring home that gallon of milk she called about. An activity – it doesn’t matter what it is – that allows you to share an experience. Saying “Thank you”… a lot. Allowing each other some space. Watching him sleep. Bringing her flowers just because. Texting I <3 U during the day. Remembering birthdays and most anniversaries. A random big hug and twirl around because you feel like it. Keeping silent when we know that our angry words will hurt. Making her favorite dinner. Keeping him from putting on his motorcycle gloves before he puts on his helmet, again, every single morning.
These little everyday things are supporting your marriage, keeping it strong, healthy and ready to weather the storms that life just carelessly throws at us like so much flotsam. Our daily caring makes us stronger, so we can stand side by side against the giant sucking wormhole in space, make Captain Kirk-like jokes, hold hands and walk boldly into the maelstrom, knowing that whatever happens, we will live to make jokes about it... we will make it through to the other side.
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
Support systems can mean so many different things. Emotional support: providing a shoulder when someone close to you is hurting. Cheerleading support: spurring someone on to achieving goals. Monetary support: allowing someone to concentrate on other things by providing for their home and board. Group support: providing understanding and ideas for overcoming the effects of divorce, alcoholism, abuse, overeating, etc.
All of these systems are meant to be temporary.
In time our friend grows stronger and doesn’t need to cry on our shoulder so much. Grief, disease, separation, all the emotional spill-over works itself out eventually. The right time to straighten up, wash your face and go back “out there” does arrive. The supporting person can wring out their shoulder pads, put away the ice cream and wine, smile and go on with their own lives.
Eventually your children or spouse finishes their project/school and can fend for themselves without monetary support from us. The kids move out. The spouse in school attains their goal, be it a degree or finishing classes to further their careers and can get that better paying job or realizing a lifetime dream. The college age kid who came home because he couldn’t find a job right after getting his degree will, hopefully, find the wherewithal to move out on his own again, warp speed!
Cheerleading is usually for the duration of the “game”; spurring someone on to achieve their ultimate amibition, which is often a huge deal to that person, even if you don't quite understand it. That can mean bolstering a flagging ego, or standing by their side at yet another boring (to you) function, or taking care of things by yourself, or closing the door so they can work in relative silence, or sometimes it is as simple as not saying a word and listening to some ranting. Once the goal is achieved, however the active cheerleading must stop, and roles go back to at least a semblance of the way they were before the task was undertaken. Active cheerleading is very tiring if done for too long, because it often means that the supporting partner is sidelining their own needs for another’s benefit.
Most group support systems also have a “graduation”, even if it is years away, when strength and time have allowed the person make a certain level of peace with what has happened to them and have gained the strength and tools to make it on their own. Spend too much time in most of them (excepting AA and a few others) and people start to think that you are whining… time to move on!
A person may be in need of all kinds of different support systems throughout their lives, sometimes needing several different types at all at once. Monetary plus Cheerleader (kids in college), Emotional plus Group (going through a divorce or other grief), Monetary plus Emotional plus Cheerleader (helping a spouse adjust to being laid off) or any other conceivable combination.
But the specific situations are all different and all do sooner or later expire. If they don’t eventually the people providing that support will become less supportive and positive and will feel like they are being taken advantage of, leading to resentment, impatience and a final cut off of unconditional support. Full stop!
So, first support, then weaning and finally, graduation.
There is one kind of support that never expires, however. Marriage is one big daily support system that never goes away. While you may be able to break down some of the major instances into expiration-date type periods, in general marriage requires daily support and help of each other. Some people might call it is Partnership in Action, which is pretty much what it is, but it is also much more than that alone.
It is taking care of the little things for each other every single day. The smile and kiss you have for each other when you come home from work. Running your fingers through his hair at the end of the day. Remembering to bring home that gallon of milk she called about. An activity – it doesn’t matter what it is – that allows you to share an experience. Saying “Thank you”… a lot. Allowing each other some space. Watching him sleep. Bringing her flowers just because. Texting I <3 U during the day. Remembering birthdays and most anniversaries. A random big hug and twirl around because you feel like it. Keeping silent when we know that our angry words will hurt. Making her favorite dinner. Keeping him from putting on his motorcycle gloves before he puts on his helmet, again, every single morning.
These little everyday things are supporting your marriage, keeping it strong, healthy and ready to weather the storms that life just carelessly throws at us like so much flotsam. Our daily caring makes us stronger, so we can stand side by side against the giant sucking wormhole in space, make Captain Kirk-like jokes, hold hands and walk boldly into the maelstrom, knowing that whatever happens, we will live to make jokes about it... we will make it through to the other side.
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
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