*******
We have many interesting characters around town.
There’s Skinny Santa, the old guy with the very long wavy grey hair and beard who walks around the outside of a small tract close to where I live at least twice a day in any weather, gracefully swinging a long walking stick in front of him, up up up, then barely bouncing it off the sidewalk before it travels skyward again. He is clean and tends to wear crisp clean blue jeans and a blue denim shirt buttoned over a non-descript tee shirt and pretty much watches the sidewalk in front of him intently, as if half-expecting it to open up... but he’ll be ready when it does, by gum! If you drive too slowly past him, he will sometimes lift his head sideways to glare at you through thick black horn-rimmed glasses and telepathically remind you to mind your own damn business. I have seen him briefly talking with some people in the neighborhood, but usually he travels his allotted course, rhythmically swinging his walking stick, alone and undisturbed, thank you very much.
Then there’s Exercise Girl, a terribly thin woman of indeterminate age and sanity level who occasionally comes out to work out in public places. She selects a busy corner or bus stop and will jog in place, waving her arms about, sometimes stooping to do deep knee bends or stretches. Her apparel changes from season to season. In the winter, she tends to bundle up in several multi-colored/patterned layers and will have huge bright colored ear muffs vying for head space with oddly placed multiple ponytails. Sometimes she chooses to wear an outrageously multicolored knit cap perched completely upright on her head, like she stuffed the it so it wouldn’t flop over, its pompom splayed out like a yarn burst of fireworks above her head. In the summer, she tends to tight capri-style leggings and a dingy white short tank, exposing ribs and an almost frighteningly skinny frame. On these days, she wears her personality almost completely on her head, with antennae headbands (sometimes more than one at a time) of all kinds bouncing to her every movement. Pumpkins, fuzz balls, shamrocks, feathers, mirrored balls… all sorts of festive material catches the sunlight. Brightly colored wrists bands festoon her wrists and punctuate her flailing arms. Occasionally she will talk to herself – pep talks, I imagine – and will bounce and giggle and shout and generally enjoy the day.
Crosswalk man is a little unnerving. The first time I saw this very ordinary looking fellow in a dark multi-pocketed jacket and heavy dark pants and boots, he was crossing a very busy street and suddenly stopped to gestulate wildly and yell obscenities. I thought there was a problem and looked around for whoever was causing this alarming reaction. Now, after seeing him many times I know that he just stops in the middle of the street and yells and gestures at no one in particular and eventually makes it to the other side. I guess he is mad at the world and this gives him a somewhat captive audience.
Slurpee boy is a rather large young man who walks with a bit of an uneven gait, listing to one side and shuffling his feet a little. I have never seen him without a super-enormous-how-can-anyone-drink-all-of-that sized Slurpee. Slurpee boy tends to have very loud and passionate conversations with himself as he walks along Avenue K. He is conservatively dressed and fairly well groomed and on more than one occasion I have seen him fling his arms out wide to make a point to his invisible walking partner and slop red Slurpee slush, lid and red striped straw included, into the desert. This does not slow him down one instant, and he continues talking and yelling and flinging his arms about, all the while hanging on to the now empty plastic cup.
Evangelical Man has a boom box and megaphone strapped around his neck. He paces at certain semi-busy corners and shouts messages to all the passing cars. The sound system garbles his voice, so I have no idea what he is saying, but he seems to really believe in it, sometimes raising his free arm to the Heavens in apparent supplication, or shaking it at the traffic in evangelical fervor. Sometimes he simply broadcasts music and just walks up and down a predetermined path, head down and barely acknowledging traffic. I wonder if he sometimes has a hard time facing the world on those days and yet still bravely tends to his post, hiding behind the music and his lowered head.
There are all kinds of fringe people out there. They occupy the same space as we do, but are not always on the same plane of reality. I sometimes wonder what happened, if there was an event or accident that triggered the slightly odd behavior, or if illness or age crept up on them. They live their lives no less completely than we do, surviving day to day and wearing their routines like a mask...
...just like we do.
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
Monday, May 3, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
One Ringy Dingy... Two Ringy Dingy... It This the Party to Whom I am Speaking??
*******
Call me one crazy Realtor, but I do NOT want to be 100% reachable by telephone at all times…
Phones have been making me crazy for years. They are an interruption and a real disruption if I am engaged in something that requires a great deal of concentration. I resisted getting a cell phone for this very reason, and then resisted upgrading to a smart phone…. THAT one is okay because I can text a VERY short message or see emails, but those interruptions are of MY choosing. Phone conversations almost always last longer than they really need to since “one quick question” generally turns into a much longer chat as one question leads to another or someone feels the need to fulfill social niceties... So, by the time you hang up you have lost 10 plus minutes and all momentum.
I know that sounds almost anathema for a Realtor to hate answering the phone when I am in the middle of something, but I cringe when I hear other agents tells me that they have clients who call them at 10:30 at night during the week or at 7 in the morning on a Sunday or during an Anniversary dinner or constantly while they were on vacation...
I am aghast. THEY ANSWER THEIR PHONE!
Holy cow. Not me. If someone is up and wants to know something in the middle of the night, shoot me an email or text me. I will get to it as soon as I am up and available to talk. Now, if I know something important is coming in then yeah, I make allowances for that. Usually.
A good friend who has been in the business for many years advised me that I am missing out on business because I am not always 100% available and sometimes don’t get to answering phone messages for a few hours (or longer if someone has the nerve to call me in the middle of the freaking night!). Now, this very same person does NOT allow his cell phone number to be given out because it is an intrusion on his personal life. The crux of this is, of course, that I am looking for business and his is already set, but still. I feel like I can give good service to my clients without giving up every single second of my weekends or evenings! Why do I have to EARN the right to a private life?
I do answer emails and texts pretty quickly, for some reason those are easier to respond to… with the added bonus of having everything in writing for reference on both sides. As my memory gets a little jumbled now and then with so many issues and ideas and facts and people and and AND!!! all mixed up in my brain, I can be both concise and thorough in an email, or even a text. So, my rule is (and I tell my clients this), if I don’t answer the phone, shoot me a text or email if at all possible. I will probably answer that faster and will call later if a conversation is still needed.
It just seems to me that people’s attention span has gotten so short that they have forgotten how to live in the moment… everything is INSTANT! NOW! GOTTA HAVE IT! INFORMATION AT YOUR FINGERTIPS! As the late great Yoda says, they are always looking “to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing.” (picture Yoda poking you with a stick here)
I think we are becoming a society of schizophrenic hyper sensitive instant gratification junkies.
Tell me you haven’t seen THIS one: two people sitting at a restaurant, both of them facing slightly away from each other, both of them with a phone to their ear or texting away, not saying a word to each other, not even making eye contact. People walk side by side, but don’t talk to one another, they are texting or tweeting or chatting to someone else. They text or talk on the phone during movies, while walking the dog, in line at the grocery store, in coffee shops, book stores, walking down the street, in their front yards… when they are alone or surrounded by people they know.
And people are OKAY with this??
Well, I for one do NOT feel obligated to pick up the phone when I am with other clients, on the road, having dinner, watching my favorite-I-waited-to-see-this-episode-all-week TV show, in the middle of a project, talking to my kids, spending time with my husband, working in the garden, playing at Disneyland, bathing the dog… in other words, I want to have a LIFE.
That’s right, a LIFE! Which means you do NOT have the unmitigated right to interrupt me at all hours and get all pissy about it when I don’t pick up the phone to talk to you RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND, even if I am up to my elbows in gardening dirt or dog shampoo or am busy kissing my hubby.
Text or email me. I’m more likely to respond faster… when I am DONE washing the dog!
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
Call me one crazy Realtor, but I do NOT want to be 100% reachable by telephone at all times…
Phones have been making me crazy for years. They are an interruption and a real disruption if I am engaged in something that requires a great deal of concentration. I resisted getting a cell phone for this very reason, and then resisted upgrading to a smart phone…. THAT one is okay because I can text a VERY short message or see emails, but those interruptions are of MY choosing. Phone conversations almost always last longer than they really need to since “one quick question” generally turns into a much longer chat as one question leads to another or someone feels the need to fulfill social niceties... So, by the time you hang up you have lost 10 plus minutes and all momentum.
I know that sounds almost anathema for a Realtor to hate answering the phone when I am in the middle of something, but I cringe when I hear other agents tells me that they have clients who call them at 10:30 at night during the week or at 7 in the morning on a Sunday or during an Anniversary dinner or constantly while they were on vacation...
I am aghast. THEY ANSWER THEIR PHONE!
Holy cow. Not me. If someone is up and wants to know something in the middle of the night, shoot me an email or text me. I will get to it as soon as I am up and available to talk. Now, if I know something important is coming in then yeah, I make allowances for that. Usually.
A good friend who has been in the business for many years advised me that I am missing out on business because I am not always 100% available and sometimes don’t get to answering phone messages for a few hours (or longer if someone has the nerve to call me in the middle of the freaking night!). Now, this very same person does NOT allow his cell phone number to be given out because it is an intrusion on his personal life. The crux of this is, of course, that I am looking for business and his is already set, but still. I feel like I can give good service to my clients without giving up every single second of my weekends or evenings! Why do I have to EARN the right to a private life?
I do answer emails and texts pretty quickly, for some reason those are easier to respond to… with the added bonus of having everything in writing for reference on both sides. As my memory gets a little jumbled now and then with so many issues and ideas and facts and people and and AND!!! all mixed up in my brain, I can be both concise and thorough in an email, or even a text. So, my rule is (and I tell my clients this), if I don’t answer the phone, shoot me a text or email if at all possible. I will probably answer that faster and will call later if a conversation is still needed.
It just seems to me that people’s attention span has gotten so short that they have forgotten how to live in the moment… everything is INSTANT! NOW! GOTTA HAVE IT! INFORMATION AT YOUR FINGERTIPS! As the late great Yoda says, they are always looking “to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing.” (picture Yoda poking you with a stick here)
I think we are becoming a society of schizophrenic hyper sensitive instant gratification junkies.
Tell me you haven’t seen THIS one: two people sitting at a restaurant, both of them facing slightly away from each other, both of them with a phone to their ear or texting away, not saying a word to each other, not even making eye contact. People walk side by side, but don’t talk to one another, they are texting or tweeting or chatting to someone else. They text or talk on the phone during movies, while walking the dog, in line at the grocery store, in coffee shops, book stores, walking down the street, in their front yards… when they are alone or surrounded by people they know.
And people are OKAY with this??
Well, I for one do NOT feel obligated to pick up the phone when I am with other clients, on the road, having dinner, watching my favorite-I-waited-to-see-this-episode-all-week TV show, in the middle of a project, talking to my kids, spending time with my husband, working in the garden, playing at Disneyland, bathing the dog… in other words, I want to have a LIFE.
That’s right, a LIFE! Which means you do NOT have the unmitigated right to interrupt me at all hours and get all pissy about it when I don’t pick up the phone to talk to you RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND, even if I am up to my elbows in gardening dirt or dog shampoo or am busy kissing my hubby.
Text or email me. I’m more likely to respond faster… when I am DONE washing the dog!
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Anticipa-yay-shun...
*******
Anticipation is a delicious thing. It encompasses the physical, mental and emotional as it revs up the heart, creates a whirlwind of thoughts tumbling over each other and heightened sensitivity that crescendos as the Event nears.
It is can be the preparations for a party, or the Super Bowl, or a wedding, or the birth of a child or grandchild… the opening of a business, the start of a favorite TV show or movie, a date with someone you care about, a rare vacation or a special Holiday. Buying a house or new car. Graduation. A loved one’s return. So many things in this life are anticipated; so many times we get excited about something that we expect to happen in our lives.
And there is the flip side. Anticipation of something unpleasant uses the same physical, mental and emotional forms to trigger anxiety.
Much of the time we mold, create, build on and stir up this anticipation into a frenzy; building up the excitement of an upcoming event to massive proportions, allowing the excitement to build and build… much like the clack clack clack as you climb up that first steep incline on a rollercoaster until….. WHEEEEEEEEEEE whoosh! You are right in the middle of a fast and furious ride.
The funniest thing is that most anticipatory events are rather fleeting as compared to the planning and preparations leading up to it. Planning a wedding, training for a race, rehearsing a play, riding that ‘coaster… long hours and weeks and months of anticipation for one shining moment. We live for that!
And we never think it is a waste of time. That glorious moment is sooo worth it!
Unless it is a bad thing. In that case, the dreaded event is usually not as awful as we pictured; the world didn’t end, no one got hit, we didn’t wind up in prison, no one laughed (too hard), no one even NOTICED... The sigh of relief once it is over with is huge! We feel as though we have been given a second chance to do it all again and, more importantly, do it better next time. All that anxiety gives way to learning and resolution. So even BAD anticipation is a good thing!
We like roller coasters, humans are adrenaline junkies… and our planning, anticipation and eventually ending up at the end with our fists in the air shouting "YESSSSSSSS!", that is what makes the major portion of our lives (you know, the tedious day to day stuff) worth it all.
(and suddenly I have a craving to go to Magic Mountain…)
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
Anticipation is a delicious thing. It encompasses the physical, mental and emotional as it revs up the heart, creates a whirlwind of thoughts tumbling over each other and heightened sensitivity that crescendos as the Event nears.
It is can be the preparations for a party, or the Super Bowl, or a wedding, or the birth of a child or grandchild… the opening of a business, the start of a favorite TV show or movie, a date with someone you care about, a rare vacation or a special Holiday. Buying a house or new car. Graduation. A loved one’s return. So many things in this life are anticipated; so many times we get excited about something that we expect to happen in our lives.
And there is the flip side. Anticipation of something unpleasant uses the same physical, mental and emotional forms to trigger anxiety.
Much of the time we mold, create, build on and stir up this anticipation into a frenzy; building up the excitement of an upcoming event to massive proportions, allowing the excitement to build and build… much like the clack clack clack as you climb up that first steep incline on a rollercoaster until….. WHEEEEEEEEEEE whoosh! You are right in the middle of a fast and furious ride.
The funniest thing is that most anticipatory events are rather fleeting as compared to the planning and preparations leading up to it. Planning a wedding, training for a race, rehearsing a play, riding that ‘coaster… long hours and weeks and months of anticipation for one shining moment. We live for that!
And we never think it is a waste of time. That glorious moment is sooo worth it!
Unless it is a bad thing. In that case, the dreaded event is usually not as awful as we pictured; the world didn’t end, no one got hit, we didn’t wind up in prison, no one laughed (too hard), no one even NOTICED... The sigh of relief once it is over with is huge! We feel as though we have been given a second chance to do it all again and, more importantly, do it better next time. All that anxiety gives way to learning and resolution. So even BAD anticipation is a good thing!
We like roller coasters, humans are adrenaline junkies… and our planning, anticipation and eventually ending up at the end with our fists in the air shouting "YESSSSSSSS!", that is what makes the major portion of our lives (you know, the tedious day to day stuff) worth it all.
(and suddenly I have a craving to go to Magic Mountain…)
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Support Systems in Place, Captain!
*******
Support systems can mean so many different things. Emotional support: providing a shoulder when someone close to you is hurting. Cheerleading support: spurring someone on to achieving goals. Monetary support: allowing someone to concentrate on other things by providing for their home and board. Group support: providing understanding and ideas for overcoming the effects of divorce, alcoholism, abuse, overeating, etc.
All of these systems are meant to be temporary.
In time our friend grows stronger and doesn’t need to cry on our shoulder so much. Grief, disease, separation, all the emotional spill-over works itself out eventually. The right time to straighten up, wash your face and go back “out there” does arrive. The supporting person can wring out their shoulder pads, put away the ice cream and wine, smile and go on with their own lives.
Eventually your children or spouse finishes their project/school and can fend for themselves without monetary support from us. The kids move out. The spouse in school attains their goal, be it a degree or finishing classes to further their careers and can get that better paying job or realizing a lifetime dream. The college age kid who came home because he couldn’t find a job right after getting his degree will, hopefully, find the wherewithal to move out on his own again, warp speed!
Cheerleading is usually for the duration of the “game”; spurring someone on to achieve their ultimate amibition, which is often a huge deal to that person, even if you don't quite understand it. That can mean bolstering a flagging ego, or standing by their side at yet another boring (to you) function, or taking care of things by yourself, or closing the door so they can work in relative silence, or sometimes it is as simple as not saying a word and listening to some ranting. Once the goal is achieved, however the active cheerleading must stop, and roles go back to at least a semblance of the way they were before the task was undertaken. Active cheerleading is very tiring if done for too long, because it often means that the supporting partner is sidelining their own needs for another’s benefit.
Most group support systems also have a “graduation”, even if it is years away, when strength and time have allowed the person make a certain level of peace with what has happened to them and have gained the strength and tools to make it on their own. Spend too much time in most of them (excepting AA and a few others) and people start to think that you are whining… time to move on!
A person may be in need of all kinds of different support systems throughout their lives, sometimes needing several different types at all at once. Monetary plus Cheerleader (kids in college), Emotional plus Group (going through a divorce or other grief), Monetary plus Emotional plus Cheerleader (helping a spouse adjust to being laid off) or any other conceivable combination.
But the specific situations are all different and all do sooner or later expire. If they don’t eventually the people providing that support will become less supportive and positive and will feel like they are being taken advantage of, leading to resentment, impatience and a final cut off of unconditional support. Full stop!
So, first support, then weaning and finally, graduation.
There is one kind of support that never expires, however. Marriage is one big daily support system that never goes away. While you may be able to break down some of the major instances into expiration-date type periods, in general marriage requires daily support and help of each other. Some people might call it is Partnership in Action, which is pretty much what it is, but it is also much more than that alone.
It is taking care of the little things for each other every single day. The smile and kiss you have for each other when you come home from work. Running your fingers through his hair at the end of the day. Remembering to bring home that gallon of milk she called about. An activity – it doesn’t matter what it is – that allows you to share an experience. Saying “Thank you”… a lot. Allowing each other some space. Watching him sleep. Bringing her flowers just because. Texting I <3 U during the day. Remembering birthdays and most anniversaries. A random big hug and twirl around because you feel like it. Keeping silent when we know that our angry words will hurt. Making her favorite dinner. Keeping him from putting on his motorcycle gloves before he puts on his helmet, again, every single morning.
These little everyday things are supporting your marriage, keeping it strong, healthy and ready to weather the storms that life just carelessly throws at us like so much flotsam. Our daily caring makes us stronger, so we can stand side by side against the giant sucking wormhole in space, make Captain Kirk-like jokes, hold hands and walk boldly into the maelstrom, knowing that whatever happens, we will live to make jokes about it... we will make it through to the other side.
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
Support systems can mean so many different things. Emotional support: providing a shoulder when someone close to you is hurting. Cheerleading support: spurring someone on to achieving goals. Monetary support: allowing someone to concentrate on other things by providing for their home and board. Group support: providing understanding and ideas for overcoming the effects of divorce, alcoholism, abuse, overeating, etc.
All of these systems are meant to be temporary.
In time our friend grows stronger and doesn’t need to cry on our shoulder so much. Grief, disease, separation, all the emotional spill-over works itself out eventually. The right time to straighten up, wash your face and go back “out there” does arrive. The supporting person can wring out their shoulder pads, put away the ice cream and wine, smile and go on with their own lives.
Eventually your children or spouse finishes their project/school and can fend for themselves without monetary support from us. The kids move out. The spouse in school attains their goal, be it a degree or finishing classes to further their careers and can get that better paying job or realizing a lifetime dream. The college age kid who came home because he couldn’t find a job right after getting his degree will, hopefully, find the wherewithal to move out on his own again, warp speed!
Cheerleading is usually for the duration of the “game”; spurring someone on to achieve their ultimate amibition, which is often a huge deal to that person, even if you don't quite understand it. That can mean bolstering a flagging ego, or standing by their side at yet another boring (to you) function, or taking care of things by yourself, or closing the door so they can work in relative silence, or sometimes it is as simple as not saying a word and listening to some ranting. Once the goal is achieved, however the active cheerleading must stop, and roles go back to at least a semblance of the way they were before the task was undertaken. Active cheerleading is very tiring if done for too long, because it often means that the supporting partner is sidelining their own needs for another’s benefit.
Most group support systems also have a “graduation”, even if it is years away, when strength and time have allowed the person make a certain level of peace with what has happened to them and have gained the strength and tools to make it on their own. Spend too much time in most of them (excepting AA and a few others) and people start to think that you are whining… time to move on!
A person may be in need of all kinds of different support systems throughout their lives, sometimes needing several different types at all at once. Monetary plus Cheerleader (kids in college), Emotional plus Group (going through a divorce or other grief), Monetary plus Emotional plus Cheerleader (helping a spouse adjust to being laid off) or any other conceivable combination.
But the specific situations are all different and all do sooner or later expire. If they don’t eventually the people providing that support will become less supportive and positive and will feel like they are being taken advantage of, leading to resentment, impatience and a final cut off of unconditional support. Full stop!
So, first support, then weaning and finally, graduation.
There is one kind of support that never expires, however. Marriage is one big daily support system that never goes away. While you may be able to break down some of the major instances into expiration-date type periods, in general marriage requires daily support and help of each other. Some people might call it is Partnership in Action, which is pretty much what it is, but it is also much more than that alone.
It is taking care of the little things for each other every single day. The smile and kiss you have for each other when you come home from work. Running your fingers through his hair at the end of the day. Remembering to bring home that gallon of milk she called about. An activity – it doesn’t matter what it is – that allows you to share an experience. Saying “Thank you”… a lot. Allowing each other some space. Watching him sleep. Bringing her flowers just because. Texting I <3 U during the day. Remembering birthdays and most anniversaries. A random big hug and twirl around because you feel like it. Keeping silent when we know that our angry words will hurt. Making her favorite dinner. Keeping him from putting on his motorcycle gloves before he puts on his helmet, again, every single morning.
These little everyday things are supporting your marriage, keeping it strong, healthy and ready to weather the storms that life just carelessly throws at us like so much flotsam. Our daily caring makes us stronger, so we can stand side by side against the giant sucking wormhole in space, make Captain Kirk-like jokes, hold hands and walk boldly into the maelstrom, knowing that whatever happens, we will live to make jokes about it... we will make it through to the other side.
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Living Out Loud
*******
It used to be that Living Out Loud meant you were living as BIG life, full of adventure, risks, fun… Jumping out of airplanes, climbing mountains, backpacking in Nepal, joining the Peace Corps and generally just taking Big Bites outta Life.
Now, however, living out loud means you are living in the public arena on Social Media like Facebook... every word, action, mistake, private humiliation, rant and embarrassing moment is paraded, laughed about and posted for all to see.
I love Facebook. I check it out several times a day, post comments, update my status and play with old friends (and my SuperPoke Pet, Chilly)… but the version of me I put up there is fairly sanitized. I try not to be too negative or whiny, and I certainly don’t give a blow-by-blow of the latest argument with my hubby (although ranting about teenagers is okay for some reason), really stupid mistakes that I make or why I hate… anything. Wait. Anything except people who talk during movies. They’re fair *grrrrrr snarl pfttt pffft* game!
In reading the posts of FB Friends over the past year and a half that I have been active, I first noticed that the younger people tended to be more open and unfiltered in their posts: decrying injustices large and small, spewing venom or praise, being petty and generous, passionately defending their right to be passionate about anything and everything. Swearing, vitriol, biting wit, absolute definitive statements (the kind that young people and extremists are wont to make) peppered their status updates, affording amusing, aggravating, thoughtful and LOL moments to their readers.
It is almost as if the mere anonymity of typing onto a keyboard or phone freed them from the usual unwritten rules of an admittedly dying polite society. Despite reports of employers finding out about nasty comments said about them online, they still vent about bosses on their status. Despite the fact that everyone they “friend” will be a witness, they still say things about people that they cannot just take back, but is immortalized forever on some server somewhere. Posting “Having a GREAT time at the beach!” when you called in deathly sick is a mere "heehee" moment when you are caught in the lie.
Perhaps younger people have more tolerance for this sort of thing as they have thoroughly immersed themselves the concept of instant communication. Instantaneous validation, comment, being free with their wildly fluctuating emotions without regret or pause seems to be a part of their daily lives, like breathing or downing Energy Drinks. Texting when out with friends is not only acceptable but encouraged. Instant, 24/7 access to your many BFFs seems to be a requirement with many younger people.
Of course, I admit that having a bad day, posting about it and receiving several positive “you’ll be okay”’, “I hear ya”, “((hugs))” and other encouraging words from people all over the world just feels good. When you are feeling the most down, reaching out semi-anonymously makes you realize that you are not, indeed alone. It is better than a session with a therapist… plus you have any number of them online all day long. For free!
The negatives – having something you post, or something a friend or frenemy posts about you – can bite you in the butt down the line – don’t stand a chance. The FB Era is here and is changing the way we interact with one another.
So, does that mean that my generation is also, albeit more slowly, riding this Out Loud train? Yeah, I think so. More and more older adults (and by older adults I mean over 35 or so) are embracing the concept of Living Out Loud… to a point. The instant validation of opinion, virtual hugs, finding other Bones or Firefly fans in your friends list are intoxicating plusses to this brave new world.
The choice we have is just how transparent we want to live. Our presentation to the world on Facebook is every bit as important as our grooming to go out in public. A smile generates a smile. Truly or incessantly negative people will eventually be hidden or blocked. Political activists will encourage – no DEMAND – hot debates. Business people will hawk their goods (careful! Too much and you will be blocked, too!). And, just like in real life, we will tailor our friends list to our specific needs and weed out the ones that are just not a good fit eventually, even if it makes our friend count go down.
It all boils down to what kind of person you choose to be online. It is simply another mask, just like the one you wear to work, or when you are in a meeting with a client, or are with your family (including the crazy cousin everyone seems to have who will completely misinterpret something you say and spread all those nasty rumors), at the pub on Friday night or having dinner with your kids, You are many different people during the course of your day, and Facebook is just one more persona.
Who do you choose to be online?
Me, I have an almost pathological aversion to hurting people and so don’t say a lot of negative things in person, why would I do it on Facebook? And who knows, maybe my generally happy posts are helping others who are having a bad day – making them laugh or smile or simply not feeling as if they are all alone in the world.
So, for the time being, I will still sanitize things a bit and continue to be fairly positive online.
But that’s just me.
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
It used to be that Living Out Loud meant you were living as BIG life, full of adventure, risks, fun… Jumping out of airplanes, climbing mountains, backpacking in Nepal, joining the Peace Corps and generally just taking Big Bites outta Life.
Now, however, living out loud means you are living in the public arena on Social Media like Facebook... every word, action, mistake, private humiliation, rant and embarrassing moment is paraded, laughed about and posted for all to see.
I love Facebook. I check it out several times a day, post comments, update my status and play with old friends (and my SuperPoke Pet, Chilly)… but the version of me I put up there is fairly sanitized. I try not to be too negative or whiny, and I certainly don’t give a blow-by-blow of the latest argument with my hubby (although ranting about teenagers is okay for some reason), really stupid mistakes that I make or why I hate… anything. Wait. Anything except people who talk during movies. They’re fair *grrrrrr snarl pfttt pffft* game!
In reading the posts of FB Friends over the past year and a half that I have been active, I first noticed that the younger people tended to be more open and unfiltered in their posts: decrying injustices large and small, spewing venom or praise, being petty and generous, passionately defending their right to be passionate about anything and everything. Swearing, vitriol, biting wit, absolute definitive statements (the kind that young people and extremists are wont to make) peppered their status updates, affording amusing, aggravating, thoughtful and LOL moments to their readers.
It is almost as if the mere anonymity of typing onto a keyboard or phone freed them from the usual unwritten rules of an admittedly dying polite society. Despite reports of employers finding out about nasty comments said about them online, they still vent about bosses on their status. Despite the fact that everyone they “friend” will be a witness, they still say things about people that they cannot just take back, but is immortalized forever on some server somewhere. Posting “Having a GREAT time at the beach!” when you called in deathly sick is a mere "heehee" moment when you are caught in the lie.
Perhaps younger people have more tolerance for this sort of thing as they have thoroughly immersed themselves the concept of instant communication. Instantaneous validation, comment, being free with their wildly fluctuating emotions without regret or pause seems to be a part of their daily lives, like breathing or downing Energy Drinks. Texting when out with friends is not only acceptable but encouraged. Instant, 24/7 access to your many BFFs seems to be a requirement with many younger people.
Of course, I admit that having a bad day, posting about it and receiving several positive “you’ll be okay”’, “I hear ya”, “((hugs))” and other encouraging words from people all over the world just feels good. When you are feeling the most down, reaching out semi-anonymously makes you realize that you are not, indeed alone. It is better than a session with a therapist… plus you have any number of them online all day long. For free!
The negatives – having something you post, or something a friend or frenemy posts about you – can bite you in the butt down the line – don’t stand a chance. The FB Era is here and is changing the way we interact with one another.
So, does that mean that my generation is also, albeit more slowly, riding this Out Loud train? Yeah, I think so. More and more older adults (and by older adults I mean over 35 or so) are embracing the concept of Living Out Loud… to a point. The instant validation of opinion, virtual hugs, finding other Bones or Firefly fans in your friends list are intoxicating plusses to this brave new world.
The choice we have is just how transparent we want to live. Our presentation to the world on Facebook is every bit as important as our grooming to go out in public. A smile generates a smile. Truly or incessantly negative people will eventually be hidden or blocked. Political activists will encourage – no DEMAND – hot debates. Business people will hawk their goods (careful! Too much and you will be blocked, too!). And, just like in real life, we will tailor our friends list to our specific needs and weed out the ones that are just not a good fit eventually, even if it makes our friend count go down.
It all boils down to what kind of person you choose to be online. It is simply another mask, just like the one you wear to work, or when you are in a meeting with a client, or are with your family (including the crazy cousin everyone seems to have who will completely misinterpret something you say and spread all those nasty rumors), at the pub on Friday night or having dinner with your kids, You are many different people during the course of your day, and Facebook is just one more persona.
Who do you choose to be online?
Me, I have an almost pathological aversion to hurting people and so don’t say a lot of negative things in person, why would I do it on Facebook? And who knows, maybe my generally happy posts are helping others who are having a bad day – making them laugh or smile or simply not feeling as if they are all alone in the world.
So, for the time being, I will still sanitize things a bit and continue to be fairly positive online.
But that’s just me.
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Whimsy
*****
The world is on serious information overload. Everywhere we look we are bombarded with up-to-the-second news of horrible, evil, scumbaggy, criminal, shocking, OMG, unbelievable acts of depravity.
And then Congress takes a break.
Not to make light of things that are happening today, but we really need to make light of things that are happening today. It used to be that we all got our news once a day, sometimes twice (newspaper in the morning and then evening news) and then we went about our lives, blissfully unaware of the world at large because we were completely immersed in our OWN world: family, work, friends, those were the sharp focus of our lives.
Now the outside world intrudes constantly. It bangs on the door, jumps us as we ‘round the corner, blocks our way, screams at us incessantly… It is everywhere – TV, ads, internet, updates on phones, Facebook… we cannot escape it. All the craziness and horror that can be conceived by the blackest, deepest puts of humanity is pushed in our faces All. The. Time.
Jokes have become downright mean. TV has become a showcase for viciousness masquerading as entertainment. Celebrities are alternatively revered and reviled as we discover that they are less/more than we demand them to be. Good manners and common sense have become quaint relics of another time. We celebrate bad behavior in sports “stars”. People who do not believe everything that we believe are loathed and reviled, and visa versa. Rumor is forwarded around the internet as fact. The polite phrase “excuse me” has come to mean “GET OUTTA MY WAY!”
Everyone has a myopic opinion about the state of the economy, international affairs, the housing crisis, the banking crisis, the ethics crisis, the state of our state… and everyone is LOUD. Politics is loud. Religion is loud. Rumor is loud. Panic is loud. Rebellion is loud. Everyone is screaming at the top of their lungs and no one is slowing down to listen to or even NOTICE the other side.
You people are yelling and pushing and shoving yourselves into heart attacks!
So, my idea is this: LIGHTEN UP, PEOPLE! Humorlessness in the face of the very serious state of the world is NOT going to make the world any better. People tend to shy away from others who take themselves too seriously because those kinds of people just aren’t any fun to be around. The impact of your words is not improved by sheer volume, nor is your cause helped by jumping into a light discussion with diatribes.
Personally, I think we need more whimsy in our lives. Frogs, spas, singing stars, LOL moments… indulging in silly pastimes, read the comics, play with the dog, tease the cat, watch the butterflies flit like drunken sailors, eat ice cream, roll your eyes as people who predict the end of the world in two years, jump in a rain puddle, watch old Bugs Bunny cartoons with your kids – or by yourself! – sneak out and catch a movie in the middle of the afternoon, listen to vintage Bill Cosby, take a bubble bath, read a really trashy doesn’t-even-have-one-redeeming-social-value book, take a different route to work, count the dandelion flowers in your lawn (ooooh, that one kinda hurts!), chat with a dear friend, tell an old joke, write run-on sentences once in a while… encourage flights of fancy in yourself.
You will be in a far better position to tackle those tough issues once you have aired out the garbage that has been mustering closed up inside your skull for far too long. Doesn’t your house smell better after throwing open the windows to let the Spring breeze waft through after a long, closed in Winter?? Same principle.
Give yourself and the world a break. Who cares if people look at you funny because you are singing in your car?? Sing anyway! Who cares if people think you aren’t being serious enough because you roll your eyes when you hear crap? Roll away!
Who cares if people question your sanity because you listen to the stars sing?? Listen anyway.
Be whimsical!
Just Musing,
Susan
********
The world is on serious information overload. Everywhere we look we are bombarded with up-to-the-second news of horrible, evil, scumbaggy, criminal, shocking, OMG, unbelievable acts of depravity.
And then Congress takes a break.
Not to make light of things that are happening today, but we really need to make light of things that are happening today. It used to be that we all got our news once a day, sometimes twice (newspaper in the morning and then evening news) and then we went about our lives, blissfully unaware of the world at large because we were completely immersed in our OWN world: family, work, friends, those were the sharp focus of our lives.
Now the outside world intrudes constantly. It bangs on the door, jumps us as we ‘round the corner, blocks our way, screams at us incessantly… It is everywhere – TV, ads, internet, updates on phones, Facebook… we cannot escape it. All the craziness and horror that can be conceived by the blackest, deepest puts of humanity is pushed in our faces All. The. Time.
Jokes have become downright mean. TV has become a showcase for viciousness masquerading as entertainment. Celebrities are alternatively revered and reviled as we discover that they are less/more than we demand them to be. Good manners and common sense have become quaint relics of another time. We celebrate bad behavior in sports “stars”. People who do not believe everything that we believe are loathed and reviled, and visa versa. Rumor is forwarded around the internet as fact. The polite phrase “excuse me” has come to mean “GET OUTTA MY WAY!”
Everyone has a myopic opinion about the state of the economy, international affairs, the housing crisis, the banking crisis, the ethics crisis, the state of our state… and everyone is LOUD. Politics is loud. Religion is loud. Rumor is loud. Panic is loud. Rebellion is loud. Everyone is screaming at the top of their lungs and no one is slowing down to listen to or even NOTICE the other side.
You people are yelling and pushing and shoving yourselves into heart attacks!
So, my idea is this: LIGHTEN UP, PEOPLE! Humorlessness in the face of the very serious state of the world is NOT going to make the world any better. People tend to shy away from others who take themselves too seriously because those kinds of people just aren’t any fun to be around. The impact of your words is not improved by sheer volume, nor is your cause helped by jumping into a light discussion with diatribes.
Personally, I think we need more whimsy in our lives. Frogs, spas, singing stars, LOL moments… indulging in silly pastimes, read the comics, play with the dog, tease the cat, watch the butterflies flit like drunken sailors, eat ice cream, roll your eyes as people who predict the end of the world in two years, jump in a rain puddle, watch old Bugs Bunny cartoons with your kids – or by yourself! – sneak out and catch a movie in the middle of the afternoon, listen to vintage Bill Cosby, take a bubble bath, read a really trashy doesn’t-even-have-one-redeeming-social-value book, take a different route to work, count the dandelion flowers in your lawn (ooooh, that one kinda hurts!), chat with a dear friend, tell an old joke, write run-on sentences once in a while… encourage flights of fancy in yourself.
You will be in a far better position to tackle those tough issues once you have aired out the garbage that has been mustering closed up inside your skull for far too long. Doesn’t your house smell better after throwing open the windows to let the Spring breeze waft through after a long, closed in Winter?? Same principle.
Give yourself and the world a break. Who cares if people look at you funny because you are singing in your car?? Sing anyway! Who cares if people think you aren’t being serious enough because you roll your eyes when you hear crap? Roll away!
Who cares if people question your sanity because you listen to the stars sing?? Listen anyway.
Be whimsical!
Just Musing,
Susan
********
Friday, March 5, 2010
Do Overs
**********
Have you ever reached a point in your life when you look back and wish you could change one, two, three things, rectify mistakes, reverse decisions, taken a different career path, or.... maybe just whisper something into your younger self's ear, a warning perhaps?
What would you do if you had the ability to do just that, to whisper one sentence in your younger self's ear, knowing that what you said would be absolutely believed. Would you do it?
Would you really do it, would you change that one thing?
Would you go back in time and change something that could, no, WOULD change everything that happened afterwards? Perhaps leading you into a completely different life, different path, career, home...
Not everyone feels that they have made really terrible mistakes along the road of this life, but most people, I think, have one or two things they would have done differently if they "knew then what they know now".
In the deepest, darkest corners of my own mind, when I look back on nearly 53 years of living, I see a whole slew of mistakes, really bad choices, times when I was too fearful to do something I should have done, or was too arrogant to look at both sides, or said the wrong thing and hurt someone, or went along with something I knew I shouldn’t have just because it was easier, or I believed in the absolute wrong person… My life is rife with these errors in judgment, some big, some small, some huge, some too embarrassing to even recall without cringing.
So if I had ONE do over, one chance to warn myself, would I take that chance, even though it might change everything?
Yeah, I think I would.
I would warn myself about getting involved with a particular person who ended up stealing four years of my life and hurting me on so many levels, including my relationship with my own children. I still think back on the entire episode in my life with real bitterness, even after nearly fifteen years.
My own scars I maybe could have lived with, but what it did to my relationship with my own wonderful, marvelous kids is just... awful. My children, who I carried, bore and raised, loved more than my own life then and now, one selfish and stupid mistake in character judgment changed everything.
We have managed to get through it and now I am close - in as many different ways as they are different from each other - to all three of my now grown children, but there was heartache that did not need to happen, tears that did not need to be shed, confidence that did not need to be shattered, pain that I did not have to put them – or, let's be honest here, myself – through.
Yeah, I would do it.
How about you?
Just Musing,
Susan
***********
Have you ever reached a point in your life when you look back and wish you could change one, two, three things, rectify mistakes, reverse decisions, taken a different career path, or.... maybe just whisper something into your younger self's ear, a warning perhaps?
What would you do if you had the ability to do just that, to whisper one sentence in your younger self's ear, knowing that what you said would be absolutely believed. Would you do it?
Would you really do it, would you change that one thing?
Would you go back in time and change something that could, no, WOULD change everything that happened afterwards? Perhaps leading you into a completely different life, different path, career, home...
Not everyone feels that they have made really terrible mistakes along the road of this life, but most people, I think, have one or two things they would have done differently if they "knew then what they know now".
In the deepest, darkest corners of my own mind, when I look back on nearly 53 years of living, I see a whole slew of mistakes, really bad choices, times when I was too fearful to do something I should have done, or was too arrogant to look at both sides, or said the wrong thing and hurt someone, or went along with something I knew I shouldn’t have just because it was easier, or I believed in the absolute wrong person… My life is rife with these errors in judgment, some big, some small, some huge, some too embarrassing to even recall without cringing.
So if I had ONE do over, one chance to warn myself, would I take that chance, even though it might change everything?
Yeah, I think I would.
I would warn myself about getting involved with a particular person who ended up stealing four years of my life and hurting me on so many levels, including my relationship with my own children. I still think back on the entire episode in my life with real bitterness, even after nearly fifteen years.
My own scars I maybe could have lived with, but what it did to my relationship with my own wonderful, marvelous kids is just... awful. My children, who I carried, bore and raised, loved more than my own life then and now, one selfish and stupid mistake in character judgment changed everything.
We have managed to get through it and now I am close - in as many different ways as they are different from each other - to all three of my now grown children, but there was heartache that did not need to happen, tears that did not need to be shed, confidence that did not need to be shattered, pain that I did not have to put them – or, let's be honest here, myself – through.
Yeah, I would do it.
How about you?
Just Musing,
Susan
***********
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)