*******
Call me one crazy Realtor, but I do NOT want to be 100% reachable by telephone at all times…
Phones have been making me crazy for years. They are an interruption and a real disruption if I am engaged in something that requires a great deal of concentration. I resisted getting a cell phone for this very reason, and then resisted upgrading to a smart phone…. THAT one is okay because I can text a VERY short message or see emails, but those interruptions are of MY choosing. Phone conversations almost always last longer than they really need to since “one quick question” generally turns into a much longer chat as one question leads to another or someone feels the need to fulfill social niceties... So, by the time you hang up you have lost 10 plus minutes and all momentum.
I know that sounds almost anathema for a Realtor to hate answering the phone when I am in the middle of something, but I cringe when I hear other agents tells me that they have clients who call them at 10:30 at night during the week or at 7 in the morning on a Sunday or during an Anniversary dinner or constantly while they were on vacation...
I am aghast. THEY ANSWER THEIR PHONE!
Holy cow. Not me. If someone is up and wants to know something in the middle of the night, shoot me an email or text me. I will get to it as soon as I am up and available to talk. Now, if I know something important is coming in then yeah, I make allowances for that. Usually.
A good friend who has been in the business for many years advised me that I am missing out on business because I am not always 100% available and sometimes don’t get to answering phone messages for a few hours (or longer if someone has the nerve to call me in the middle of the freaking night!). Now, this very same person does NOT allow his cell phone number to be given out because it is an intrusion on his personal life. The crux of this is, of course, that I am looking for business and his is already set, but still. I feel like I can give good service to my clients without giving up every single second of my weekends or evenings! Why do I have to EARN the right to a private life?
I do answer emails and texts pretty quickly, for some reason those are easier to respond to… with the added bonus of having everything in writing for reference on both sides. As my memory gets a little jumbled now and then with so many issues and ideas and facts and people and and AND!!! all mixed up in my brain, I can be both concise and thorough in an email, or even a text. So, my rule is (and I tell my clients this), if I don’t answer the phone, shoot me a text or email if at all possible. I will probably answer that faster and will call later if a conversation is still needed.
It just seems to me that people’s attention span has gotten so short that they have forgotten how to live in the moment… everything is INSTANT! NOW! GOTTA HAVE IT! INFORMATION AT YOUR FINGERTIPS! As the late great Yoda says, they are always looking “to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing.” (picture Yoda poking you with a stick here)
I think we are becoming a society of schizophrenic hyper sensitive instant gratification junkies.
Tell me you haven’t seen THIS one: two people sitting at a restaurant, both of them facing slightly away from each other, both of them with a phone to their ear or texting away, not saying a word to each other, not even making eye contact. People walk side by side, but don’t talk to one another, they are texting or tweeting or chatting to someone else. They text or talk on the phone during movies, while walking the dog, in line at the grocery store, in coffee shops, book stores, walking down the street, in their front yards… when they are alone or surrounded by people they know.
And people are OKAY with this??
Well, I for one do NOT feel obligated to pick up the phone when I am with other clients, on the road, having dinner, watching my favorite-I-waited-to-see-this-episode-all-week TV show, in the middle of a project, talking to my kids, spending time with my husband, working in the garden, playing at Disneyland, bathing the dog… in other words, I want to have a LIFE.
That’s right, a LIFE! Which means you do NOT have the unmitigated right to interrupt me at all hours and get all pissy about it when I don’t pick up the phone to talk to you RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND, even if I am up to my elbows in gardening dirt or dog shampoo or am busy kissing my hubby.
Text or email me. I’m more likely to respond faster… when I am DONE washing the dog!
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
Friday, April 23, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Anticipa-yay-shun...
*******
Anticipation is a delicious thing. It encompasses the physical, mental and emotional as it revs up the heart, creates a whirlwind of thoughts tumbling over each other and heightened sensitivity that crescendos as the Event nears.
It is can be the preparations for a party, or the Super Bowl, or a wedding, or the birth of a child or grandchild… the opening of a business, the start of a favorite TV show or movie, a date with someone you care about, a rare vacation or a special Holiday. Buying a house or new car. Graduation. A loved one’s return. So many things in this life are anticipated; so many times we get excited about something that we expect to happen in our lives.
And there is the flip side. Anticipation of something unpleasant uses the same physical, mental and emotional forms to trigger anxiety.
Much of the time we mold, create, build on and stir up this anticipation into a frenzy; building up the excitement of an upcoming event to massive proportions, allowing the excitement to build and build… much like the clack clack clack as you climb up that first steep incline on a rollercoaster until….. WHEEEEEEEEEEE whoosh! You are right in the middle of a fast and furious ride.
The funniest thing is that most anticipatory events are rather fleeting as compared to the planning and preparations leading up to it. Planning a wedding, training for a race, rehearsing a play, riding that ‘coaster… long hours and weeks and months of anticipation for one shining moment. We live for that!
And we never think it is a waste of time. That glorious moment is sooo worth it!
Unless it is a bad thing. In that case, the dreaded event is usually not as awful as we pictured; the world didn’t end, no one got hit, we didn’t wind up in prison, no one laughed (too hard), no one even NOTICED... The sigh of relief once it is over with is huge! We feel as though we have been given a second chance to do it all again and, more importantly, do it better next time. All that anxiety gives way to learning and resolution. So even BAD anticipation is a good thing!
We like roller coasters, humans are adrenaline junkies… and our planning, anticipation and eventually ending up at the end with our fists in the air shouting "YESSSSSSSS!", that is what makes the major portion of our lives (you know, the tedious day to day stuff) worth it all.
(and suddenly I have a craving to go to Magic Mountain…)
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
Anticipation is a delicious thing. It encompasses the physical, mental and emotional as it revs up the heart, creates a whirlwind of thoughts tumbling over each other and heightened sensitivity that crescendos as the Event nears.
It is can be the preparations for a party, or the Super Bowl, or a wedding, or the birth of a child or grandchild… the opening of a business, the start of a favorite TV show or movie, a date with someone you care about, a rare vacation or a special Holiday. Buying a house or new car. Graduation. A loved one’s return. So many things in this life are anticipated; so many times we get excited about something that we expect to happen in our lives.
And there is the flip side. Anticipation of something unpleasant uses the same physical, mental and emotional forms to trigger anxiety.
Much of the time we mold, create, build on and stir up this anticipation into a frenzy; building up the excitement of an upcoming event to massive proportions, allowing the excitement to build and build… much like the clack clack clack as you climb up that first steep incline on a rollercoaster until….. WHEEEEEEEEEEE whoosh! You are right in the middle of a fast and furious ride.
The funniest thing is that most anticipatory events are rather fleeting as compared to the planning and preparations leading up to it. Planning a wedding, training for a race, rehearsing a play, riding that ‘coaster… long hours and weeks and months of anticipation for one shining moment. We live for that!
And we never think it is a waste of time. That glorious moment is sooo worth it!
Unless it is a bad thing. In that case, the dreaded event is usually not as awful as we pictured; the world didn’t end, no one got hit, we didn’t wind up in prison, no one laughed (too hard), no one even NOTICED... The sigh of relief once it is over with is huge! We feel as though we have been given a second chance to do it all again and, more importantly, do it better next time. All that anxiety gives way to learning and resolution. So even BAD anticipation is a good thing!
We like roller coasters, humans are adrenaline junkies… and our planning, anticipation and eventually ending up at the end with our fists in the air shouting "YESSSSSSSS!", that is what makes the major portion of our lives (you know, the tedious day to day stuff) worth it all.
(and suddenly I have a craving to go to Magic Mountain…)
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Support Systems in Place, Captain!
*******
Support systems can mean so many different things. Emotional support: providing a shoulder when someone close to you is hurting. Cheerleading support: spurring someone on to achieving goals. Monetary support: allowing someone to concentrate on other things by providing for their home and board. Group support: providing understanding and ideas for overcoming the effects of divorce, alcoholism, abuse, overeating, etc.
All of these systems are meant to be temporary.
In time our friend grows stronger and doesn’t need to cry on our shoulder so much. Grief, disease, separation, all the emotional spill-over works itself out eventually. The right time to straighten up, wash your face and go back “out there” does arrive. The supporting person can wring out their shoulder pads, put away the ice cream and wine, smile and go on with their own lives.
Eventually your children or spouse finishes their project/school and can fend for themselves without monetary support from us. The kids move out. The spouse in school attains their goal, be it a degree or finishing classes to further their careers and can get that better paying job or realizing a lifetime dream. The college age kid who came home because he couldn’t find a job right after getting his degree will, hopefully, find the wherewithal to move out on his own again, warp speed!
Cheerleading is usually for the duration of the “game”; spurring someone on to achieve their ultimate amibition, which is often a huge deal to that person, even if you don't quite understand it. That can mean bolstering a flagging ego, or standing by their side at yet another boring (to you) function, or taking care of things by yourself, or closing the door so they can work in relative silence, or sometimes it is as simple as not saying a word and listening to some ranting. Once the goal is achieved, however the active cheerleading must stop, and roles go back to at least a semblance of the way they were before the task was undertaken. Active cheerleading is very tiring if done for too long, because it often means that the supporting partner is sidelining their own needs for another’s benefit.
Most group support systems also have a “graduation”, even if it is years away, when strength and time have allowed the person make a certain level of peace with what has happened to them and have gained the strength and tools to make it on their own. Spend too much time in most of them (excepting AA and a few others) and people start to think that you are whining… time to move on!
A person may be in need of all kinds of different support systems throughout their lives, sometimes needing several different types at all at once. Monetary plus Cheerleader (kids in college), Emotional plus Group (going through a divorce or other grief), Monetary plus Emotional plus Cheerleader (helping a spouse adjust to being laid off) or any other conceivable combination.
But the specific situations are all different and all do sooner or later expire. If they don’t eventually the people providing that support will become less supportive and positive and will feel like they are being taken advantage of, leading to resentment, impatience and a final cut off of unconditional support. Full stop!
So, first support, then weaning and finally, graduation.
There is one kind of support that never expires, however. Marriage is one big daily support system that never goes away. While you may be able to break down some of the major instances into expiration-date type periods, in general marriage requires daily support and help of each other. Some people might call it is Partnership in Action, which is pretty much what it is, but it is also much more than that alone.
It is taking care of the little things for each other every single day. The smile and kiss you have for each other when you come home from work. Running your fingers through his hair at the end of the day. Remembering to bring home that gallon of milk she called about. An activity – it doesn’t matter what it is – that allows you to share an experience. Saying “Thank you”… a lot. Allowing each other some space. Watching him sleep. Bringing her flowers just because. Texting I <3 U during the day. Remembering birthdays and most anniversaries. A random big hug and twirl around because you feel like it. Keeping silent when we know that our angry words will hurt. Making her favorite dinner. Keeping him from putting on his motorcycle gloves before he puts on his helmet, again, every single morning.
These little everyday things are supporting your marriage, keeping it strong, healthy and ready to weather the storms that life just carelessly throws at us like so much flotsam. Our daily caring makes us stronger, so we can stand side by side against the giant sucking wormhole in space, make Captain Kirk-like jokes, hold hands and walk boldly into the maelstrom, knowing that whatever happens, we will live to make jokes about it... we will make it through to the other side.
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
Support systems can mean so many different things. Emotional support: providing a shoulder when someone close to you is hurting. Cheerleading support: spurring someone on to achieving goals. Monetary support: allowing someone to concentrate on other things by providing for their home and board. Group support: providing understanding and ideas for overcoming the effects of divorce, alcoholism, abuse, overeating, etc.
All of these systems are meant to be temporary.
In time our friend grows stronger and doesn’t need to cry on our shoulder so much. Grief, disease, separation, all the emotional spill-over works itself out eventually. The right time to straighten up, wash your face and go back “out there” does arrive. The supporting person can wring out their shoulder pads, put away the ice cream and wine, smile and go on with their own lives.
Eventually your children or spouse finishes their project/school and can fend for themselves without monetary support from us. The kids move out. The spouse in school attains their goal, be it a degree or finishing classes to further their careers and can get that better paying job or realizing a lifetime dream. The college age kid who came home because he couldn’t find a job right after getting his degree will, hopefully, find the wherewithal to move out on his own again, warp speed!
Cheerleading is usually for the duration of the “game”; spurring someone on to achieve their ultimate amibition, which is often a huge deal to that person, even if you don't quite understand it. That can mean bolstering a flagging ego, or standing by their side at yet another boring (to you) function, or taking care of things by yourself, or closing the door so they can work in relative silence, or sometimes it is as simple as not saying a word and listening to some ranting. Once the goal is achieved, however the active cheerleading must stop, and roles go back to at least a semblance of the way they were before the task was undertaken. Active cheerleading is very tiring if done for too long, because it often means that the supporting partner is sidelining their own needs for another’s benefit.
Most group support systems also have a “graduation”, even if it is years away, when strength and time have allowed the person make a certain level of peace with what has happened to them and have gained the strength and tools to make it on their own. Spend too much time in most of them (excepting AA and a few others) and people start to think that you are whining… time to move on!
A person may be in need of all kinds of different support systems throughout their lives, sometimes needing several different types at all at once. Monetary plus Cheerleader (kids in college), Emotional plus Group (going through a divorce or other grief), Monetary plus Emotional plus Cheerleader (helping a spouse adjust to being laid off) or any other conceivable combination.
But the specific situations are all different and all do sooner or later expire. If they don’t eventually the people providing that support will become less supportive and positive and will feel like they are being taken advantage of, leading to resentment, impatience and a final cut off of unconditional support. Full stop!
So, first support, then weaning and finally, graduation.
There is one kind of support that never expires, however. Marriage is one big daily support system that never goes away. While you may be able to break down some of the major instances into expiration-date type periods, in general marriage requires daily support and help of each other. Some people might call it is Partnership in Action, which is pretty much what it is, but it is also much more than that alone.
It is taking care of the little things for each other every single day. The smile and kiss you have for each other when you come home from work. Running your fingers through his hair at the end of the day. Remembering to bring home that gallon of milk she called about. An activity – it doesn’t matter what it is – that allows you to share an experience. Saying “Thank you”… a lot. Allowing each other some space. Watching him sleep. Bringing her flowers just because. Texting I <3 U during the day. Remembering birthdays and most anniversaries. A random big hug and twirl around because you feel like it. Keeping silent when we know that our angry words will hurt. Making her favorite dinner. Keeping him from putting on his motorcycle gloves before he puts on his helmet, again, every single morning.
These little everyday things are supporting your marriage, keeping it strong, healthy and ready to weather the storms that life just carelessly throws at us like so much flotsam. Our daily caring makes us stronger, so we can stand side by side against the giant sucking wormhole in space, make Captain Kirk-like jokes, hold hands and walk boldly into the maelstrom, knowing that whatever happens, we will live to make jokes about it... we will make it through to the other side.
Just Musing,
Susan
*****
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