Mother's Day 2012

Being a daughter and a mother puts me right smack in the middle of a generational triangle of life: being created and living and then creating life.

It is a uniquely beautiful process, being helped growing up and then, using all the lessons imparted by my own mother and grandmother and those that I learned just by living (mostly that we all we can do is our very best) helping someone else grow into adulthood. The bumps and bruises, the joys, the sleeplessness and worry, the regrets and the pride, the giggles and the anger, the tears of disappointment and the feeling of being overwhelmed and the feeling of overwhelming love, most held softly behind a smile that simply says, “I love you” no matter what we are actually thinking…

This is the legacy I have inherited from my own mother (Hi Mom!) and hope that I have imparted on my own children (Dawn, Adam, Mallory and James, Chris and Michael), and opefully, some part of my lessons will be handed down to my children’s children.

I love you, Mom. Your courage and humor through some crazy times held us all together and taught me with love, we can, and will, survive.

And to my children, there are no words to express the joy I feel at what wonderful adults you have become, and what wistfulness I feel at how quickly time has passed and how hard I hope that you have forgiven me my mistakes, and remember that through it all, I have loved you more than you will ever know. And for those not quite flown, I am confident that you will be okay, that you will figure it all out and will go on to make good lives for yourselves.

And that is all a parent really wants.

Just Musing,
Susan

Growing Up Was Not Everything I Thought it Would Be

Time was that I knew everything. I knew what I was going to be when I grew up, I knew all about my future husband and perfect kids and where I was going to live, I even knew what kind of car I was going to drive.

Then LIFE happened. Almost everything I thought I was going to be, everything I thought my life was going to be, has turned out so very differently than my childhood self could have possibly imagined.

It is not always a bad thing, to find that some adjustments have to be made along the way. The big disappointments, things that left me bleeding and broken, eventually healed and have made me stronger. And the little things, the tiny little regrets that creep up and chop at the soul little by little over the years, those are are harder to get over…

What can you do? I guess there is no real answer, just the realization that all you can do it take it day by day and know that things will eventually work out.

Just Musing,
Susan

Do Women have the Right to Be Themselves?

Aside from the obvious, there are some extreme differences in the way that men and women view the world - and each other - in today's society.

Take the issue of protection of a weaker creature vs. and adult’s right to self-determination.

Being female, I can only relate what I have observed in my more than half century on the planet, but it would seem that many men see women as the weaker sex, and must thus be protected. This protective stance no doubt is instinctual and harkens back to when dangers lurked around every corner and the female and any children were extremely vulnerable to animal, element and even enemy attack.

Throughout history, and up until fairly recently, rigid roles of protector and nurturer were, by evolutionary standards, necessary to the survival of the species.

In modern times, the roles of men and women are not so markedly defined, and the advent of excellent shelter and fortifications further protects the Family Unit. In addition, women in the work force also contribute to financial stability, sometimes even surpassing the male contribution. This has necessitated a paradigm shift in the way that gender roles are perceived and fulfilled.

The concepts of Equality and Partnership in marriage and families is being personally worked out every day in homes throughout Western society. Some families use the traditional roles in home and work, although nowadays most major decisions are made jointly rather than assigning all financial and total managerial control to one party in the relationship. Most families work out their own dynamics based on the needs of the family, ability and financial considerations.

Other societies are also experiencing some of these changes, but their timelines and culture are creating their own challenges to these revolutionary concepts.

The world is still a dangerous place, and many men still feel a great need to protect their spouses and children from anything bad that might happen.

This is a fine and even praiseworthy sentiment. However, when that protective stance spills over from basic bodily protection into a conviction that a person should have or has control of another adult's movements, and either directly or indirectly impedes the ability to make decisions about their own life, the dynamic changes from the presumptive equal partnership to that of a parent/child.

This does not include the agreed upon tasks that are mutually agreed to be split, such as grocery shopping, doing the bills/finances, laundry, cooking, childcare, house and yard work, etc. These types of tasks are no longer required to be split along gender roles. Most people figure out who does each of them best and just agree to take specific responsibilities.

But if one person has to ask permission or get approval to run every aspect of his/her life, someone is being caged.

And a cage, even a really pretty one, is still a cage.

It has happened several times in my life that a partner has felt that they had the right to dictate my movements, my thoughts, my activities, my education, my hobbies, even the way I voted. It became obvious over time that these individuals not only did not respect me as a fully grown human adult, but also did not respect me as an intelligent, capable individual. Just the fact that I might make a decision that they did not approve of was enough to set off alarm bells and slam down the bars of the cage.

Protect me? No. You do not respect me. Make sure I am safe? You do not respect my ability to make my own decisions. You want to know where I am every second of the day? Stop stalking me. I reserve the right to take an aimless drive or stop by a coffee shop or feed the ducks at a park without having to ask permission, just as you do.

There have been times when my requests to know when my partner was going to be home (mostly having to do with arranging for dinner, etc.) have been ignored, rebuffed and belittled.

And yet, that same person would stay out very late and come home so inebriated that I feared for his and that of other drivers on the road's safety.

Were the shoe on the other foot, I would be getting phone calls every five minutes, "Where are you? When are you coming home?" even when I have already given answers not 20 minutes before.

It may well be that I overreact to certain situations because my past experiences have led me to believe that someone who tells me what to do is going to get progressively worse and slide into yet another ultra-controlling person who ends up despising me as their respect is worn away by their own controlling actions.

All I ask, and what most women ask, is to be treated with respect as an adult.

Just Musing,

Susan

THE AVENGERS Movie review

(spoilers)

While waiting in line outside the Cinemark 22 on Friday night, I was struck by the diversity of the crowd. All races, all ages, men women, kids, teens, burly types, skinny guys with glasses, grandparents, straight-from-work dressed, stereotypical fanboys, baggy pants with chains hanging out of their pockets… All smiling and waiting, the atmosphere was all giddy anticipation covered with a veneer of “I’m cool”.

Let us begin.

Comic Book movies should ALWAYS be written and directed by people who love comic books. Joss Whedon’s genuine love for the genre comes through in every frame of this blockbuster. There is something for everybody; it is an over the top, energetic thrill-ride, funny and totally fun movie. Rather than treating the characters with deadly seriousness or turning them into jokes in tights, his respect for the disparate backstories as already told in the preceding movies (Ironman, Thor, and both Hulk attempts), shows though and he somehow manages to bring them together in a totally believable and yet still 100% comic-book way.

He also understands that aside from the absolutely amazing (WOW!!!!) special effects, this is still a character story at heart.

In a less complex director’s hands, you could just have The Avengers all be perfectly reasonable and noble, and have Fury send out lovely engraved but cryptic invitations (which they would all politely accept), sit them all down around a round table and explain that Something Big and Bad is out there and they must, virtuously and selflessly, sacrifice their lives to the Common Good. And they would of course, being heroes, immediately acknowledge their moral Duty and, already being suited up in their cute costumes with capes and leather and tights and armor, begin the Battle for Earth without even stopping for lunch. Of course they win. Heroic Music swells and the credit roll.

That’s the way someone who doesn’t really understand the genre may have approached the film.

Not Joss. Our Heroes come from all over the place and only one is already on board with the Avenger Initiative. The rest have to be… persuaded. So how do you get all these guys in the same room and playing nicely on the same side when one had been brain-hijacked, one doesn’t believe the cover story, one doesn’t even want to be there, one is certain this is simply a personal fight, one has nothing left to lose, and one super-spy-intelligence gatherer is being pulled into an epic war with superior firepower?

Do they all just suit up because Nick Fury tells them to in a deeply rousing and inspiring speech? Nope. They walk away with varying degrees of disbelief and I-Have-My-Own-Problems attitudes and snipe and snarl at each other, bicker and fight like a bunch of siblings in the middle of a Testosterone War (apologies to Black Widow).

And when Superheroes fight... Well. Let’s just say things get broken up a bit. They only begin to work together when everything is falling (literally) apart. I guess falling to earth in a broken…. (insert major spoiler here… nah, not gonna do it!)… will do that to a team. Of course they weren’t ALL on board the *********, but they all did literally succumb to gravity in their own way. Everyone gets knocked on the head a bit, shakes it off and realized they had better Do Something.

Working in pairs at first, then cross teaming, they finally get to the point where Captain America is calling the shots with all the assurance of a broken military general who is finally in his element and completely understands his troops. Only then are they The Avengers.

But they still annoy each other, maybe just a little.

Within the scope of the main Save the World from a Terrible Menace plot, there are smaller interwoven stories, many character reveals, and of course, as this is a Joss Whedon project, completely believable and absolutely hilarious humor sprinkled throughout.

The Big Bad, Loki, is as complex as any other character, and is much more menacing than in the Thor movie; less, dare I say, comic book two dimensional. In Loki’s determined and demented quest to be loved, feared and revered, even he understands on some level that he is manipulating forces that he cannot completely control, but he continues to play his part in the game with a grim determination and certain maniacal glee at the thought of beating his step-brother down. Who cares about the puny humans; they are ants, he is the boot.

There is a lot of fighting, amazingly realistic effects, spectacular settings and many surprises. A few questions are answered and some more are raised. My biggest question has to do with the Hulk, if the end is true, then why the first time?? Hmmmm. I have a theory, but will see the movie again tomorrow to see if it bears out.

Quibbles were few and were drowned out by the completely immersive FUN of the overall experience. And as we learned from the other Marvel movies, stay until the very end of the credits. Something happens, and then later, a small, but funny scene. Just stay. And see if you can count just how many special effects companies were involved!

I saw it in a regular 3D (IMax was sold out… *pouts*) in a nearly sold out theater, and suggest that you see it in 3D, too. I can’t believe that Joss has never filmed in 3D before, it was handled MASTERFULLY.

My rating: 9.9999999 out of 10

Just Musing,
Susan