Do Women have the Right to Be Themselves?

Aside from the obvious, there are some extreme differences in the way that men and women view the world - and each other - in today's society.

Take the issue of protection of a weaker creature vs. and adult’s right to self-determination.

Being female, I can only relate what I have observed in my more than half century on the planet, but it would seem that many men see women as the weaker sex, and must thus be protected. This protective stance no doubt is instinctual and harkens back to when dangers lurked around every corner and the female and any children were extremely vulnerable to animal, element and even enemy attack.

Throughout history, and up until fairly recently, rigid roles of protector and nurturer were, by evolutionary standards, necessary to the survival of the species.

In modern times, the roles of men and women are not so markedly defined, and the advent of excellent shelter and fortifications further protects the Family Unit. In addition, women in the work force also contribute to financial stability, sometimes even surpassing the male contribution. This has necessitated a paradigm shift in the way that gender roles are perceived and fulfilled.

The concepts of Equality and Partnership in marriage and families is being personally worked out every day in homes throughout Western society. Some families use the traditional roles in home and work, although nowadays most major decisions are made jointly rather than assigning all financial and total managerial control to one party in the relationship. Most families work out their own dynamics based on the needs of the family, ability and financial considerations.

Other societies are also experiencing some of these changes, but their timelines and culture are creating their own challenges to these revolutionary concepts.

The world is still a dangerous place, and many men still feel a great need to protect their spouses and children from anything bad that might happen.

This is a fine and even praiseworthy sentiment. However, when that protective stance spills over from basic bodily protection into a conviction that a person should have or has control of another adult's movements, and either directly or indirectly impedes the ability to make decisions about their own life, the dynamic changes from the presumptive equal partnership to that of a parent/child.

This does not include the agreed upon tasks that are mutually agreed to be split, such as grocery shopping, doing the bills/finances, laundry, cooking, childcare, house and yard work, etc. These types of tasks are no longer required to be split along gender roles. Most people figure out who does each of them best and just agree to take specific responsibilities.

But if one person has to ask permission or get approval to run every aspect of his/her life, someone is being caged.

And a cage, even a really pretty one, is still a cage.

It has happened several times in my life that a partner has felt that they had the right to dictate my movements, my thoughts, my activities, my education, my hobbies, even the way I voted. It became obvious over time that these individuals not only did not respect me as a fully grown human adult, but also did not respect me as an intelligent, capable individual. Just the fact that I might make a decision that they did not approve of was enough to set off alarm bells and slam down the bars of the cage.

Protect me? No. You do not respect me. Make sure I am safe? You do not respect my ability to make my own decisions. You want to know where I am every second of the day? Stop stalking me. I reserve the right to take an aimless drive or stop by a coffee shop or feed the ducks at a park without having to ask permission, just as you do.

There have been times when my requests to know when my partner was going to be home (mostly having to do with arranging for dinner, etc.) have been ignored, rebuffed and belittled.

And yet, that same person would stay out very late and come home so inebriated that I feared for his and that of other drivers on the road's safety.

Were the shoe on the other foot, I would be getting phone calls every five minutes, "Where are you? When are you coming home?" even when I have already given answers not 20 minutes before.

It may well be that I overreact to certain situations because my past experiences have led me to believe that someone who tells me what to do is going to get progressively worse and slide into yet another ultra-controlling person who ends up despising me as their respect is worn away by their own controlling actions.

All I ask, and what most women ask, is to be treated with respect as an adult.

Just Musing,

Susan