My Super-Power

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I live in a house full of men. My husband and his three boys (ages 16-22) toss one hell of a lot of testosterone around when they are all together. Noise, threats (even the ones in jest), talking (read: yelling) over each other to be heard, roughhousing, sounds of things and bodies falling, taunts, insults, sucking sounds (that is food disappearing as if there is a black hole in the pantry and fridge), uncontained energy that is actually a palpable viable entity, and did I mention a whole hell of a lot of NOISE???.

Sheesh.

Trying to hold my own in a conversation with these mooks is pretty much impossible for a mild-mannered female who really just wants someplace quiet to curl up and read a good book. Somehow, no matter where I am in the house, they all seem to gravitate to the room I have tried to claim and will enter talking, saying, “Oh, you’re reading. I don’t want to interrupt you when you’re reading. I just wanted to ask your advice about something. But I really don’t want to interrupt you. That’s really rude. What are you reading? No, it’s okay, I’ll just go; I don’t want to be rude and interrupt your reading…”

Or, while I am obviously typing away on my computer at a hundred miles an hour with paperwork spread out all around me, so therefore it must be the perfect time to ask the famous Most Important Question of All: “Susan, who do you think would win in an EPIC battle to save the world: Superman or Spiderman?” and then of course, no one would wait for my answer (since all they really wanted to do was tell me what THEY thought), they would all chime in and thus begins a loud half hour long debate about the merits of being born a superhero and being transformed against one’s will and which movie was the best and how metro-sexual Spidey in Spiderman III was just WRONG and Superman is really just a wimp who happens to be an alien so he doesn’t count and is it better to have cool toys like Batman or be invincible like Superman and what superpower would YOU want, I want to fly, no that’s dumb, invisibility is the way to go, no that would only be helpful if you were planning something illegal and and and AND…!!

Double sheesh.

However, in the midst of all of this crazy chaos, I have decided that I, too, have a super-power, but it is not one that I control or can use for the betterment of All Mankind – rather it is controlled by those around me, people who – perhaps unknowingly (which is the kindest and most generous way to look at it) – have the uncanny ability to confer the most Devastatingly Powerful Attribute on my person: Mutable Invisibility.

The power to Mute my voice when I am speaking on any subject is something that seems to be mostly controlled by men or near-men (teenagers). It is a fairly stereotypical power, one that has been chronicled in comics, movies, etc. Its power is convey powerlessness on the target, and it is very, very effective.

Sample conversation: “So, tomorrow we need to…”
Interrupts: “Did you pick up some Chlorine for the pool?”
Me: “I don’t have a…”
Interrupts: “Where are all my tools?? I can never find a hammer when I need one!”
Me: “I saw one in the…”
Interrupts: “When’s dinner? I’m starved!!”

Sha ZAM!

Invisibility is very similar to Mutability. It is generally characterized by looking in the general direction of the person speaking, but not really seeing him/her. This power can be conferred on both males and females equally, and is especially favored by teens to marginalize any adult.

Glazed or shifting eyes, slack mouth, mono-syllabic answers (in teens it is usually grunts or other generally assenting sounds that don’t require actual enunciation), abruptly sitting down, turning around or walking away while you are in the middle of sentence are some of the most common traits of the Invisibility Power Broker.

I suspect that many women in my generation, especially Mothers, have at one time or another felt the same way. So much of what we do daily is unseen and unacknowledged as important, so it has become a habit to take us for granted… and it becomes a habit not to join in the din and add to the chaos just to shout out, “Hey, stop ignoring me!” because, frankly, that just sounds whiney and petty.

So really, my Super-Power is the uncanny ability to remain unacknowledged and rendered silent and powerless, and really, isn’t that my own fault?



Just Musing,
Susan


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