Twisty Memories

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Sometimes I wonder. Time streams in both directions, and every thought, dream, action and consequence is pinned in its place along the line – immovable in their reality, which cannot and will not, change.

And yet, in complete opposition to the facts, events in our past are oddly and entirely mutable by sheer force of will in the unrelenting playground of our own minds.

We have all edited our memories by playing them over and over again in the 102" wide flat screen HD in our heads; emphasizing certain moments, downplaying others, stretching and contracting the actual truth of events until they are virtually unrecognizable to any other point of view.

So basically, your memory of events – your movie trailer as it were – would be different than mine of that very same event because we have had different life experiences and consider the impact of words or physicality based on those experiences.

The impact of this memory editing is heightened by continually going back and re-playing our version of the event in our mind, further underscoring its importance in our minds; oftimes beyond the reality so far as to have become a fantastic re-telling of a story... scrolling across the screen in small letters at the very end of the movie: based on a true story.

Our minds may recall certain moments with absolutely clarity – the words, the feelings, even what we are thinking, and then blur the rest into a Monet watercolor, or some moody abstract with red and purple angry slashes, complete with movie score to emphasize the emotional ride.

And every time we visit those memories we are blurring, twisting, expanding… adding to, taking away from, making it more or less dramtic, actions more heroic or romantic, leaving out the boring stuff until you have a blockbuster (starring YOU!)playing in your head.

And what’s wrong with that? The memories that we chose to relive, whether good or bad – helped make us who we are and become part of the vast tapestry of our own being.

The biggest problem with playing with our memory is the “I should have done this” syndrome, or worse, extrapolating the consequences of events based on one moment that could have gone another way of we had been braver or said no or said yes or even said nothing. The object of this particular story, of course, is that we would be in a much better place right now if we had just made another choice sometime in the past.

And yet while our actual memories have been colored by our experiences, thinking about what “might have been” is really an exercise in futility. Those imagined events never were real and so become like smoke buffeted by breath and wind, easily made and even more easily dissipated into nothingness.

Everyone does this from time to time. An evaluation of our past – in the right doses – helps us to understand how we came to be where we are and perhaps learn from perceived mistakes.

The danger is if we spend too much time rewriting the past to suit our wish to live in a fantasy of having the perfect job, car, spouse, hair, kids, dog, physique, awards lining the walls of our perfect house and a slew of assistants to cater to our every whim, we lose what we really have right here, right now. We lose it by wishing for that fantasy so hard that we become restless, discontent and eventually poison our real life.

So let's replay the good stuff, sneer at the bad, smile at the knowledge that you have lived a varied and interesting life… and live that life, every day thankful for the actual (and imagined!!) memories that propel us through the roller coaster of our existence.

The end of our days will come soon enough. Let’s not waste too much time on regret.


Just Musing,
Susan



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